I want to get rid of them. I call them 'Josh Dreams'. In these dreams I'm struggling to find him. If I get his phone number, for some reason I am never able to dail it or to get to a phone. The last dream I had (May 11) went like this:
In a library with a phone book
No phone books past 1993
I cannot remember Josh's last name (which is Golden)
The years 1990 & 1993 are somehow important
Josh is in hospital gown, he has no hair
I see his reflection in a mirror, I don't actuall SEE him
Something about his grandma, I get in touch with her
She tells me "He is ready now. He has feelings."
Josh went into a mental health hospital after our break-up (in reality, I did)
We meet, we hug, Glenn (my husband) is sad & jealous
The name 'Rully' is important, it is a nickname for something
Somehow I don't think this guy I'm with is really Josh
He tells me he was in the Army and show me a tattoo by a Russian named 'Goat' it is spelled 'Joat'

That is the entry from my dream journal. I woke up with my heart pounding, numb and sweating. After one of these dreams I have to UNCONTROLLABLE urge to FIND him and talk to him. During the day I have spells where I cannot breath and feel as if my chest is going to cave in.

Any ideas? Why won't he stay out of my dream land?

Unfinished business can be hard to let go of, consciously or sub-consciously. If there's a connection to something that's going on in your life now, maybe it's reminding you of what went on during the time with him.
What would you say to him if you were to get in contact with him?

Darklanser is right when he asks what would you say to Josh if you got in contact with him. My advice is to write a 'letter' to him, telling him just that. And then burn it.
You need to get rid of the unfinished business.

However - the partwhen you said 'Josh is in hospital gown, he has no hair' implies chemo. But that's just an idea that could help in your analysis.

this is very true. i held on to a lot of history connected to one person from over 10 years ago and i've been in the process of "letting them go". its not easy and i've had dreams and thoughts that seem to plague me and haunt me like a bad nightmare.

the mind is a complicated thing and has a hard time letting go after it is programmed to hold onto someone or something for such a long time.

contact for me is impossible, i'm scared of what i would do. i had some realizations and its what finally made me decide to let go and they are not exactly the realizations that make me a happy individual. they take me to a place i'd rather not go.

i wish you the best of luck though.


i edited this to add the following...

i use to have dreams about them. vivid realistic dreams. dreams i didnt realize were dreams until after i woke up. dreams that made me wish for something that in retrospect and conciously i know i dont want. i cant give details, its too personal.

[Edited on 13-5-2004 by ThePrankMonkey]

I don't know what I would say to him really. The only times I even think of him are after one of these dreams. It is like my heart relives all that pain that I went through with him.
I think I will write him a letter and burn it. It will help me get all that stressfull energy out of my system. That was a great suggestion!

Thank you all...it helps to have an outsider's opinion sometimes.

hen you and Josh first got together, did you use any magic, or anything mystical to establish a connection?

The reason i ask is i did for one of my exes (and she did the same to get me apparantly) when i was into wicca. Its been nearly 5 years now and things keep popping up related to her. like i'll dream of her, or i'll run into her in the most obscure places (last one was when i was on holiday 9 hours from where we both live, i was with my then girlfriend and she was with her boyfriend), or i'll find something of hers in my house (i've moved since we were together and dont recall taking anything that belonged to anyone else with me)... If you;ve used magic to make a connection it can be hard to break it, even if you want to. Me and the girl in question here had a terrible break up and i just want her out of my life and it just doesnt seem like it will happen.

If you didnt use magic, i agree that there must be some unfinished business, or it could possibly mean he is in distress or is reminiscing of the times you had and a mental connection is placing his feelings in your mind.

I had all the stress dreams about an ex from 15 years ago for some time. Weighed heavily on me. Did I make the right decision?

Then we ran into each other and started dating again.

I made the right decision.

Funny, I remembered her as being much less psycho in my dreams. Reality sucks.

No, I don't think any magick was used. But, the break up was just right out of the blue. Which hit me very hard. Though I've been through worse with other guys, he is the only one I dream of. I don't get. If it is a 'mental/magickal connection I want it gone!