Sick and tired of being the type of female men ignore

reply to post by Seasick

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Be assured that some of us will always be here for you.

Your latest two posts sound more upbeat and it's good to get to know you better. Your strength is shining through.

reply to post by Seasick

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I don't have the same experiences as you, but as a woman I totally get what your saying. Maried or not, I would worry when I notice men don't turn their heads anymore... let's call it a female thing.

One cliché is true though: higher self-esteem is better. You need to take a good look in the mirror and one way or another feel good about yourself, it's how YOU perceive yourself that reflects onto others.

Another thing is your identity. Ask yourself who you are and how that is in line with your appearance.
You might be a woman with an office job that requires a certain type of dress code, but that dress-style may very well not be who you are on the inside.
I used to have a job as a junior accountant and my job required the typical office-style-clothing. I hated it. The minute I arrived home I changed into gothic clothing. (that was " back then " btw )

the question is: who are you and who do you need to be to feel better about yourself?

Men are for the best part boys with big arms, they are drawn
to a machismo 'growl the loudest, beat the other guy' situation
or they run away from it and take it out on the supposedly
'weaker sex'.

Their engines run on chemicals and their brains take the back
seat most of the time. However, with all these problems, they
make their way through life better than women, because the
playing field is mapped out for a male existence.

Though women in the west largely don't cover themselves up
head-to-toe to hide their bodies, or are told not to speak to
males other than their husbands, the west still as a long way
to go to rid of the inequality from men's minds.

Anyway, for the most part, men get married to have another
mother to look after 'em... and their dress sense is terrible!

You go girl!

[edit on 5-7-2009 by A boy in a dress]

You would definitely fall well within my very strict criteria for women! I am actually the opposite, I don't like women with the 'popular' looks, wearing a lot of make up, push-up bras, talk in a certain way, you get the idea... Your combat experience is a bonus! I hope you don't mistake that I'm trying to recruit women with combat experience lol! I just appreciate the warrior code much even if I'm not a warrior myself. I have much appreciation for nobility and honor.

Except for one thing, you are married I am about your age, maybe the same, dunno. I would actually advice you to try to fix your marriage problems, try to ask what your husband wants in a wife or even try to talk to a marriage counselor.

I have the same rant as you. The things you are ranting about is what's being popularized by the media, I don't like it and I certainly don't like women or possibly my future wife for my future kids acting that way. It paves the way to adultery and more hurts.

[edit on 7-7-2009 by ahnggk]

If you want attention, here's a few videos with tips, basically you gotta be crazy.

YouTube Link

YouTube Link

YouTube Link

YouTube Link

But in all seriousness, don't do that! haha,

I'm sorry to hear about your breakdown. Try to stay positive!

Peace.

reply to post by Seasick

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Never ever pay attention to what men say online, it's the same talk as any internet tough guy that is out there. Just a bunch of idiots having access to a computer and being able to say things that they couldn't really get away with in person. Yes, lot's of men have shallow views/tastes toward women, but not all men are like this. I know I'm not. I guess what you are going through happens in most marriages and relationships in general, the spark just kind of goes away. When that goes away, so does the romance, the quickies in a public place, the butt grabbing, the look in the eyes, etc. I am not married, but I've been with my girlfriend for more than a couple years, and we spend maybe too much time together.

Along the way, I realized I was starting to treat her similar to what your husband is doing. I barely kissed her anymore, didn't play with her like like I always used too, hold her, talk to her, just went through the motions during sex and even that stopped happening, we started drifting. I don't know how it happened or why, it just kind of happened. I do have one idea though, but first I'll explain what got me to realize what I was doing. My girlfriend was starting to have similar feelings like you, she felt like I wasn't into her anymore and all of that. She eventually started talking to many other men online, and did cheat on me a few times. The first time I found out about this, I flipped out.

I was angry beyond reasoning and could not understand why she did it. She straight up told me everything I typed above. She got into what the other men were telling her, which was how pretty she was, how beautiful her eyes are, etc etc, things she needs to hear. But anyway, the idea I have for changing is that I got so busy looking at other things, and getting irritated by the little things that I just put her at the bottom. After she had told me her reason, instead of leaving her, we instead rebuilt our relationship. Not starting over, or pretend we just me or any of that crap, just simply refocusing. Now things are better than they were when the relationship started. It's even gotten to the point where we laugh about her cheating and the choice of guy, we are more affectionate, though she says I suck in the romantic department, but loves me anyway. She's a hopeless romantic and I'm not so it's kind of an interesting thing that we differ on because we are so similar but different in many ways. We even openly talk about people we are attracted to to each other be it celebrities or just regular people.

Obviously your situation is significantly different because you are married, but I do hope this helped in some way. I personally have always been attracted to the smart, opinionated and stong women. I have only been in one relationship to the one's you described, but that wasn't for me. For the record, many men, including myself, don't base a womans attraction by her breast size. I personally never cared about breast size, I'm more of a booty guy personally. lol. Also, I never get interested in a woman that dresses slutty or in a way that brings attention to herself. That tells me she is very self concious, craves attention, and very unconfident. But anyway, maybe just cornering him someway, leaving a letter, email, or whatever, forcing him to hear what he needs to hear.

I don't recommend cheating of course, but maybe packing your bags may work or not cooking for him might send a messege. I'm sure you can figure something out. If he doesn't want to listen, then maybe the marriage is over perhaps. But regardless, from your discription, I doubt you are the type men ignore, maybe they don't jump on her like some cover girl, but i'm sure if you paid attention, you might realize that men are actually looking your direction. I personally like what is considered the "regular types" and so do many men. I prefer a woman who dresses casual, isn't a afraid to speak her mind, not act like the poor damsel in distress, will do a real pushup not the girl pushup and will give me a firm handshake instead of the girly one. That is why I'm with girl I'm with now, just because she fits what I like.

reply to post by _Phoenix_

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Phoenix, those vids are a riot. I nearly fell out the chair laughing. Definitely not that serious in my book, to each his own, Ha ha! Thanks for the reality check of these kinds of women.

reply to post by Darth Lumina

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Darth Lumina, thanks for taking the time to respond to me and share your own experiences with me. I'm so sorry that you and your lady had to go through so much, but I am glad it all made you two stronger as a couple as well. I definitely get what you are relating to me, and you are right, looking for attenton when involved (internet or in real life) is a recipe for hurting your partner, or losing them...we all know where things sometimes lead, regardless of what you're going through. Provided there is no cheating going on by either party, and in my case, there is not...I understand that you just have to work it out like adults and be strong if you feel the relationship is worth it. In my case, I do. So I guess I need to do some growing up and quit all this whining.

As a man, I'm sure my experiences aren't quite the same. Before I got married though ( 14 years ago and counting ) I had a similar view of myself and relationships.

I did the only thing I really could do. I took care of myself. I was already in shape. I went back to college and sharpened my mental and artistic skills. I pushed myself until I was too busy for the pity party.

I reinvented myself to my own satisfaction and was pleased. It was not an easy process, indeed some days were easily 72 hours long. being military ( correct? ) you probably know all about that.

In doing this, you will discover tons about yourself and your man. There is more, but that is part of the journey.

Personally, I think you sound like a pretty hot woman!

If you are like most women I know, simply expressing yourself in your time of need is what you truly are looking for. There are plenty of solutions, they are yours to choose from, even choosing nothing.


Good fortune to you ....


PG

reply to post by Seasick

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Hey Seasick, hope all is well and I don't think you are whiny, you just want someone to talk to about this. As you can see many here are very supportive. Your man just needs to make you feel like you are special again, it's something you need and I hope he realizes it, but he may not. I think us guys just kind of lose site of things sometimes. Especially stronger women like yourself. Women like you aren't openly needy or anything like that so I think what happens, my experience is an example, is that we figure you are ok, and that nothing is wrong. But we forget even the srong ones, are still women that need to feel special. Hopefully, you two can work it out and still wish you the best.

reply to post by Seasick

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hey there seasick, I just thought I'd check in to see if your avatar was up... where is it?

I would say the same with women only different. But both sexes have needs, only different, but sadly, it tends to blinds us in things that matter more importantly. Some tend to be different of course.

I know about men only want sex, women - security, no more love

Your value is in yourself.

You need to be One before you can be Two (2 halves do not make a whole).

Know your Energy. Is your energy positive and inviting?

reply to post by mblahnikluver

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This is extremely naive and stupid. But it is textbook Drama Queen attempting to pass for the moral and ethical high ground of today.

I am a nuclear fueler by trade. I am on a team which both removes olde spent radiated/contaminated fuel from nuclear reactors and also installs new fuel in the same reactors.

Do you think I should be losing sleep while my woman becomes a drama queen??

There are lots of folks out here male and female who have jobs in which the lives and safety of others is in thier hands.
Be very careful before you attempt to superimpose your values and thinking upon others...even your spouse...at the expense of thier sleep.
This is entitlement thinking..not good reason or sense. To those of us who can think..this doesnt even make good nonsense.

reply to post by Seasick

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If you are a combat veteran than you know instinctively of what I speak above to mblahnikluver and dont need to be told.

Do not concern yourself with what other peoples images are like on the big screen or televison. Most of that is slick salesmanship..it is not real. Also most people out here are not what they appear to be. Your concerns are shallow and ill conceived. You do not need to be competing with these images...or you will become just as shallow as the big screen.

I personallyl like a woman who can cook...though I too can cook ..clean house etc etc. I do not come to a woman for these skills though I enjoy very much a meal fixed by a woman who can cook and it reflects in her finished product. Do you have any sisters???

Also I dont like women who wear to much make up nor big breasted women. I have found that usually their brain power and other attributes are inversely proportional to thier other items on which they place so much value. In otherwords there is not much thier beyond outward appearances.
It is not difficult to get many women to take off their clothes..so the concept of an artificial Oil Shortage rasing a womans value in the marketplace does not work here.

While I appreciate the female form as much as the next male..I dont like hearing such Oil Shortage talk either among males or females...they both do it..just differently. It is extremely overated.

Seasick,

I am going to ask you a question and your reply will tell me alot about how a woman thinks or does not think...you!!

Your man...are you able to look into his soul and see clearly what is missing from his life...and fill that? I dont mean cooking, or taking off your clothes et al..but what is seriously missing?? How many women do you know who can do this for a man..thus increasing thier value to him ..even after their biology runs out and it is midnight Cinderella??
For this knowledge about dealing with a man is timeless...it has no expiration date. How many women do you know who are trained in this verses consumption rates and viewing the world through thier prizms??

A woman who understands this concept and has the time or patience to get it to work for her and him can put a man on a drug from which he never wants to get off. Understand?? But she must be a very intelligent and perceptive woman. Not the cheap, overmade, unintelligent, false woman portrayed across the big screens. This is diametrically opposed to the entitlement thinking so prevalent today ..especially coming across the artificial big screen.

Get a divorce someone else advised on this thread...Yup...

Until death do you part or the payments run out. Which ever comes first.
Just get another handbag...to match your day...they are after all, interchangable. Consumption rates!!??
See what I mean??

Unconditional love is a hoax...false. You can tell this by the number of people on this thread attempting to put conditions on thier love...Divorce et al. Bewarned of this hoax. Learn the correct conditions.

Try some thinking..not so much emoting. Solve the drug puzzle.

Thanks,
Orangetom

reply to post by apaulo

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Howdy!

I'm slowly but surely getting to it friend, it's been an eventful past few weeks.

reply to post by orangetom1999

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Hi,

I appreciate your constructive criticism and comments. Just a few things that may hopefully answer your questions and let you know more about me and where I am coming from with my rant here. First of all, I DON'T look upon my husband as "the source of new handbags" and material crap. I actually contribute to the family finances, if that makes any difference in things. Yes, I have an immature 19 y/o sister who probably fills the bill to your assumptions of me in my hour of "need" to a tee 24/7, all year long. She has more drama than Dynasty...anyway, moving on to your other queries and comments. As you stated, love should have no conditions, yet strangely, you seem to add conditions of your own. Perhaps yours are more valid, assuming anyone here assigned conditions to love.

I made a vow to my husband to love him. I have been up with him all night when his back was killing him, massaging him with oil and kneading his muscles. I have been up with him all night when he first injured himself, to ensure he made it to the toilet without complication if he needed to go, and just to generally soothe him if he was wake. I thought that was part of unconditional love...sacrifice. And yes, those nights I stayed up comforting my husband were days and nights where I had to either be at 0630 PT formation, or at a civilian nine to five. Sacrifice, and unconditional devotion to duty also goes hand and hand with Military committment, as you too, should well know, sir.

It's rare and refreshing to hear a man say he enjoys the female form "as is". No conditions and almost unattainable airbrushed standards to live up to placed upon her, as it is refeshing to hear a woman speak likewise of a man these days. I more so enjoy the internal characteristics of people, than the external. I enjoy a beautiful mind, intelligence, complexity of character and depth. I see "sexiness" in almost everyone who carries themselves well...not that I would pursue it , but I acknowledge it. I find men whom most women turn their noses up at, sexy beyond belief. Almost everyone criticized my choice in a mate when I began dating my husband. I defended him vehemently, and like a rabid pit. I loved him, unconditionally, and I saw beauty and wonder in him, not just his face but his being, and that was...and still is, all that matters to me.

I believe I generally understand my husband by now, but it just seems that he doesn't often "get" me. Despite all of my rant here, lol, I still love him of course, and still would do anything in this world for him. This rant of mine was just a "bad hair day" of sorts, which is why it's in the rant section. I emote. It's who I am, and part of my character and being. I rant and rave and have been know to throw the occasional fit or two, but at the end of the day I can still come to terms with myself and ground it in some logic. I will love my husband as I already have, in sickness and health, and will continue in his old age and mine of course. I can't say I truly understand your question to me of if I can "look" into my husband's soul and see what is missing from his life and "fill" that. I'm sensitive, but not psychic. Perhaps, that is also relevant to a man towards a woman, maybe that is why I began this rant in the first place. I don't expect to be fulfilled 24/7 by a mate and have all my fantasies and demands met. I do expect a little appreciation though, from time to time from my man. I don't see that as asking for much, when one is faithful and true, generous and understanding to their mate, my words apply to male and female alike here.

I don't think divorce is anywhere near the solution in my case, lol. But thanks for your comments and thoughts. I really enjoyed reading your post, and I actually pondered it a few days before this reply.

[edit on 15-7-2009 by Seasick]

reply to post by Seasick

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Seasick,

I am glad you got the crux of what I was posting but first off let me apologize for a misconception going on here.

The comment about divorce and handbags was not directed to you..but the poster who made such a shallow entitlement comment...I think it was on page 1. My apologies for the confusion.

Also..sorry to hear about the nature of your sisters soul. It is sometimes interesting to me how different the souls of people can be .. and from the same lump of clay.

I dont worry about what others think. I drive this bus here...anyone not approving ..can get off right now.
I have been riding mopeds or scooters to and fro work for many many years now..some 16 miles total distance daily. People have been laughing at me for the same amount of time. I have been laughing myself ..right to the bank. Most of them stopped laughing and started asking questions when the gasoline got to about $4.00 per gallon last year. It is coming back soon enough to this price and higher. They can keep on laughing.
I also own two cars and a truck...but save my gasoline for rainy/inclement
weather or to get about on weekends.

But you see..you dont have to get on the bandwagon or bus with everyone else...you can do fine by your own labors.

With the exception of a good fishing program I also dont watch sports or read sports illustrated or the sports section of the papers. I think this stuff is to stereotypical and textbook I am not interested in this kind of bandwagon. I am not interested in a point spread or worshiping the gods of sports.

Same thing with a woman whose only skill or talent in life is hanging out and advertisingi her fat yams. They are a dime a dozen...and usually high maintenance.

Althought I will give the big screen one thing..I am glad to see that they are showing some women with black hair or brown hair. Blondes are so overdone so as to become boring to me....just like big boobs. But that is just the big screen. This tells you nothing about their personal characteristics...so I dont get my hopes up here or worship the big screen.

I think you get the point.

Oh..by the way...I sense that you are also questioning your man's maintenance costs...at a certain level. Not unreasonable. I do this with women all the time. We have alot of guys at work who are high maintenance themselves. You can tell this by the way they spend alot of their working time with thier cell phones stuck to thier hands text messaging. They are on a high maintenance drug and dont seem to know or care. Tell them to put their phones away and they get bitter..withdrawls..like someone forced off a drug. I've seen this with people hooked on television too. High maintenance.

Most men ..myself included are.. not good at the practice or concept of multitasking what they see around them. They generallly handle one concept at a time and are not interested in juggling new or what someone else thinks is interesting or even necessary. They get input overload.

Most men I know are also not interested in an emotional overload. They dont even think about this and why this is. They are more reactionarys here.
Most men in thier lives and occupations...must stow or dicipline their emotions and dont work in occupations by which they can tailor their jobs or tasks to thier emotions and personalities. This is usually a fingerprint you find among women to the point that they think emotional recognition is an entitlement which should play through unquestioned and unchallanged. It is not. It is artificial...ersatz.
If men cater to thier emotions in like manner as alot of women think themselves entitled, they can easily get hurt or killed..or kill/hurt someone else.
I suppose alot of them express and or release their emotions through sports and the gods of sports but I dont find this satisfactory.

Sports training for alot men in the long run is nothing more than training to run touchdowns for someone who can insert the play. The male then on cue and clue runs for the touchdown. They dont often even think about the nature of what they are doing. They are so trained along this line of thought. Alot of women know this information..though they dont like the sports they appreciate the training. This is an important clue worthwhile for the both of you..not just high maintenance. But you must have a "GOAL" worthy of the both of you..otherwise it is just high maintenance.
It has to do with that DRUG of which I earlier posted.

Hope this helps. Sorry for the confusion about the handbag and divorce. It was not directed to you.

Thanks,
Orangetom