My life doesn't feel right

Hello,

I wanted to post something that has been nagging my consciousness for a time now.

First, a little background about me

I am 24 years old. Married to an 18 year old. Graduated high-school, work full time in a call center selling cell phones for 2 years, have been diagnosed with "Overfocused A.D.D.", and I have recently began to believe in the probability of an emerging New World Order, and the preceding martial law soon thereafter.

Now, what bothers me

Since I was about 13 years old I have harbored a nagging feeling that my life isn't as it should be. The world isn't as it seems. This is not how things were meant to be. There needs to be a change to the current 'system' and it's schematics. People are a slave to the monatery system, and there is so much more to life than working to continuously, endlessly buying products to entertain, trivialize, and make up our existance.

I have cried and pitched a fit when I was younger about this, and my parents told me 'that is just the way it is. that is life. get used to it.' Well, 11 years later, I have graduated high school, attended college, landed a high yielding job, got married, and am making plans for the future to own a home, settle down, and raise a family.

life at home, isn't the only place where I feel out of place

My work environment is just about as bad if not worse. After working in a call center around 500+ employees everyday, I overhear conversations about me. I can narrow the topic down to 1 of 5 things: Cars, Sports, Hip-Hop music, celebrities, and money. Now, I understand and respect people's right to live as they wish, and believe what they believe, but it still leaves me frustrated and somewhat upset that these are the only topics that seem to ever be on their minds.

Maybe there is more to it than what I am seeing and hearing, but at this moment I feel that I could be doing so much more. I feel I am waiting for something to happen to end the monotonous, daily schedule of working 1/3rd of my day, leaving the 1/3rd of my time to sleep and another 1/3rd of my time to spend with the wife.

Not sure what it may exactly be, but I feel confined, and anxious a lot. I do not want to continue working daily to build a future of materialistic objects, and spend my life around people who are oblivious to the truth.

I am somewhat hypocritical as well, and I guess that may be my flaw... but I am otherwise unsure of what to do to shake this feeling.

Thank you for reading this far, I do truly appreciate it.

Can anyone else out there relate?

Before you read this I must warn you that my advice may not be the best thing for you.

Reading between the lines I sense you haven't taken too many chances or been much of a rebel.

Sounds like you and your wife need some type of exciting challenge.

I can not think of a much more mundane and dull life you must be living.

You only live once, take some chances. Travel from one coast to the other. See the country you are living in.

I didn't settle down until I was over fifty. Oh wait, I really haven't stopped going on adventures.

Now forget everything I said and buy that house, have a perfect lawn and get in a rut. It's much safer.

That is great advice. We go out on occasion, but it's not the same as living the single life...

I suppose I am still adjusting to being married and instead of going out with friends, playing video games, being impulsive, I am at her beck & whim, spending all of my 'free' time with her.

Things are not as bleak as they appear to be. Most of what we encounter in life ever is.. it is all how we choose to view it.

I am suprised there are not more responses, but I did post this at the same time as Michael Jackson's death..

RIP.

God bless everyone.

Stay safe.

Stay positive.

reply to post by Kevinquisitor

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Hey Kevin, I can totally relate...

I don’t know how many times I’ve thought about the same things you’ve expressed. In high school I referred to our modern way of life as the “Global Life Support System.” We’re all plugged in and so dependent on it for our way of life. Shucks, we are so domesticated that if the grocery stores and restaurants were to burn to the ground most of us would starve to death and die.

We think we’re so advanced and sophisticated, and the ones that actually lived off the land; the ones who actually left the earth without stain or blemish… they were savages. Yeah, right. If they were savages, what does that make modern man? Deranged psychopaths? ((Maybe…))

The industrial revolution changed everything. Man has always wanted to create his own little paradise and that has been the ambition of man from the beginning, but never before have had we had the ability to do it. Think about it. Most people, especially in the U.S., live better than kings of old. Even those who are in what we call poverty. I believe that our desire to protect ourselves and create a nice little paradise has actually driven us to build our prison. Like animals trapped in the human zoo we are prisoners of our own fear. Fear of not having enough… fear of survival.

Life was meant to be an adventure, but take risk, challenge, and danger out of the word ADVENTURE and what do you have? A video game? A movie? A good book? We feel SAFE and SECURE in those things, and for the most part, I think our little paradise seems that way… or at least it used to before the sky began its Chicken Little decent threatening our fortress of economics and government. ((Perhaps an adventure is on its way.))

Dizziedame did give some good advice, but does that really solve anything? Maybe for some. Personally, I love to read about adventurers like Mike Horn and Zac Sunderland to name a couple, and every time I do I wonder if that’s really what I’m craving. The simple life of survival? It really is anything but simple, but perhaps the better word would be straightforward or pure.

I could say more, but I’ll spare ya…

Just in case you're wondering who those guys I mentioned are...

Mike

Zac


[edit on 27-6-2009 by apaulo]

Dizzie,

I like the first advice you gave! Life is too short to stay between the lines and inside the box all the time. The feeling of being safe & secure gets old after awhile. I get such a thrill when I preceive my life to be in danger. There's nothing like good ole' adrenaline to shake things up a bit!

We both enjoy things that get our blood pumping. We want to go skydiving sometime, and have talked about it, but never really seriously considered doing it.. I.E. Cost.. time.. etc. Just procrastinating.

Apaulo,

You hit the nail on the head for me. I actually had this conversation with my wife a few months ago. I explained I wish the world were a bit different.. kind of like in feudal times where you REALLY had to be able to hold your own to survive. The land was lawless, or the law couldn't be as easily enforced as it is today... so you had more leniency with what you were able to do.

I told her I longed for a sense of adventure.. to have to survive on what we knew and what we could get our hands on.. not to have a convenient store every 100 yards, and a Wal-Mart around every corner. She told me that me working my hourly job did take care of us, and we do have to survive, because without my job, we would be homeless, and she doesn't want to do that...

Not sure, I may be grasping at straws here and a bit out of touch with "reality" but I continuously long for something like a nomadic lifestyle.. where nothing is certain, and everything is unpredictable.

For now... I'm holding out for 2012.

i]reply to post by Kevinquisitor

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Hey Kevin, it's pretty cool to find someone who is on the same page...

Did you check out the links to Mike and Zac. If you get a chance, check out the June 15 issue of ESPN magazine for the story on Zac. I came away feeling an adrenaline high.
Another inspiring adventurer is Ed Stafford…

Ed

I read about him in the June issue of Mens Journal. Another very cool story...

These people inspire me, but they also let me realize that survival in the wild is an intense struggle. It isn’t for the half-hearted or apathetic individuals who just want to live like pampered house cats. It’s for those alone who can live fiercely, taking life by the horns like a tiger… now the question; Am I a tiger or a kitty? Shucks, I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll find out someday, and it will be a tiger. I need to find my adventure!




[edit on 30-6-2009 by apaulo]

I can only speak from my personal experience.

I too found life banal and unexciting so I explored and found a passion.

Went into business promoting my passions and lived the life of a gypsy for many years, made a lot of money, made many friends and have absolutely no regrets.

The key to happiness for me was the passion I felt for my profession.
I would have pursued my passions even if it hadn't have been lucrative. I just got lucky.

designer/craftsman/flyfishing guide and outfitter/musician

currently I am semi retired and explore other passions.

Don't have much to say other than I somehow get the feeling that you will figure this all out, head for some alternative coffee houses and meet some down to earth creative types, listen in and see if it makes a difference.

Get into nature, explore and move your young testosterone... Climb, run jump bike hike. Move 'your' energy!

reply to post by antar

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Good advice Antar. That's more or less about what I was trying to say.

If we keep doing the same things day in and day out we will soon be unable to see over the rut.

I met my sweet heart about 4 years ago and we are always trying new things to keep us active.

We are both in our 60's so we are not able to hike in the mountains anymore but we've learned to work together on projects.

Without a doubt we have perfected making the very best deserts on the east coast.

We also have a workshop and make wind chimes and anything we want to make.

It's good to do things together with your mate and of course still have some special me time also.

Sometimes we just hook the RV to the truck and take off not even knowing where we might end up for a few days.

Wow Antar, thank you for your advice.

Dizzie, that's spectacular!

We both are very adventureous and love to go on road trips to random places around Florida.

I guess I kind of resent my career choice as I have to work 9 hours a day, with 2 days off. She works 1-5 hours a MONTH, and all the rest of the time is hers to do as she wishes.

So, I suppose I don't feel it's "fair" to have to work so much and what little time I do receive has to be spent with her to keep our relationship healthy. However, she has so much more free time to enjoy her life, and still gets a healthy dose of "us", and a healthy dose of "her" time.

The issue is, I am the main monatery provider and if I were to leave my job, as I cannot change my hours, we would not be able to afford many things.

I usually work from 1p-10p with Tuesday and Saturday off. Typically, we plan activities for those days together. Sometimes I have 30 mins to an hour to just myself, but sometimes it is not even just me. Sometimes it is her telling me how much she misses me, so I drop what I am doing to spend time with her.

Any more suggestions?