You Make Me Feel Stupid

Mods, if this post in in the wrong place, please be so kind as to move it as you see fit.

First, about me. I dropped out of high school during the 9th. grade, and had no formal training at all. what I did was read books. any book, any magazine, anything at all that I could learn from. You see, I am driven by this, the search for more and more knowledge. After reading all these books, I would estimate near 10,000 or so, I accumulated a lot of knowledge on many different subjects and fields of study.
I am "intelligent," you might say. I didn't ask for this, it wasn't thrust upon me in a flash, it came after years of reading and pondering on things.

Here is my point. During my life of 55 years, I have had a lot of friends. 12 of these friends have actually been insulted by my intelligence, and have said to me, "You make me feel stupid." I have been fighting with my Common Law wife for a few weeks now, and in one email, I used some words that I thought she didn't, or wouldn't quite understand the meaning of. So, I looked up the words, and made links that she could click on to see the meanings of the words. You know, like a lot of you do in this forum. She came back with the [words] "you make me feel stupid." As a matter of fact, most of my friends have no problem picking my brain for things that want, or need to know.

Now to me, stupidity is a choice one makes, while ignorance is simply a lack of knowledge. A person chooses to be "stupid." How is that someone can "make," operative word, a person feel anything at all, especially stupid? How do you do that?

In my life I have met a lot of folks who were a lot more intelligent than I, and I never have felt stupid, or anything else, except maybe awe, and always would question the person so that I could learn more.
As I said before, it is a drive in me that forces me to read and accumulate knowledge every day.
I am hoping some of the more intelligent minds in here can enlighten me on this. Right now, I hate the day I picked up the first book to read.

I admire and envy people like you. Don't feel even remotely bad for making people feel stupid. What they probably mean when they say that is "I never realized how unintelligent I was until I met you." Its a sort of awe I guess. At least it is when I meet people like you. I try to read books and learn things but most of the information passes right through me. My eyes are going over each word while my brain is thinking of something else entirely and I absorb nothing out of what I'm reading. Even when I do succeed in reading or learning something, I tend to over-simplify my knowledge down to the point where all I can tell you is "Israel sucks," or "I really like Fidel Castro." I've read extensively on these figures but I couldn't tell you ANY specifics on either of them.

Don't be ashamed of your intelligence, use it. If it weren't for people like you I probably wouldn't ever read anything at all. I wish you could understand exactly how much I admire your type, you know?

I guess what I want to say is this: When I meet someone like you, I don't feel belittled; I feel motivated.

Don't let them (those that couldn't find their butts in the dark if you gave them a flashlight and a map to follow) get you down. There really are a lot of undereducated people throughout the world. They are often the ones that expect the smart people to take care of them and their every need too. They are the ones that need a leeeeeader too. There's not much you can do to change these people. Don't even bother sending them a book to read, they'll just use it as a coffee cup coaster or a door stop. These are also the people that have brought this nation to it's financial knees. "What do you mean it's NOW my fault I am broke and in debt, the banker told and promised me I could afford this $500,000 home on my assembly line job wage." Ya will bump into these people all over the planet. They are a fact of life. Since you can't fix them, or encourage them to fix themselves, about all you can do is to isolate yourself from them, and the damage they cause by being so dumb. Stay out of their way if you can, they are the ones that like to blame everyone else for their stupidity too. Even the politicians in the world are the dumbest people that walk the planet. The Earth once was a relatively safe place to live, there wasn't any way a stupid person could blow it up ... but today, in a world filled with so many stupid people in charge, there's a good chance they just might manage to blow up the Earth. Stupid people are not only annoying, they are also dangerous.

I think it's a misplaced emotion friend. I don't think you're doing anything wrong, I think you are actually helping people.

Let's see, the first step to fixing a problem is knowing you have it.

Alright so you're wife for example, she's not the shiniest tool in the shed I've gathered? Let's just say that's a fact for the purpose of the example. I am sure she's a fine woman, but humor me for a second.

You use words and vocabulary, perhaps make connections and see things that she does not. It's not because she is "dummer" that you are, or that you are "more intelligent" than she is.

You are simply more observant and better at retaining and using knowledge than simply getting knowledge and spewing it forward without any sort of path or cause for it.

The environment in which you grew up in probably plays a part as well. The thirst for knowledge isn't everybody's cup of tea. My own kids for example, my daugher who just left for University is extremely aware, intelligent and involved.

My son however, who is going to be 14 is intelligent, well spoken and does great in school, but otherwise, he's not very observant. He doesn't make connections as you would with simple things such as propaganda or world politics.

Does that make him any less intelligent? Nopes, not a bit. It's a simple matter of what people like to do. As somebody who is informed, it's great that you are flexing your intelligence muscles and trying to spread some of it around to your wife and friends.

When they tell you that you make them feel stupid, they are implying that knowledge is something that keeps them down, that makes you less than them. Or that your simple action of trying to be intelligent and be diverse is something to be frowned upon.

I think you just really hold true to your values and simply explain that althought they may feel that way, that is not your intention, you simply wish to enlighten and educate people.

Hope this helps.

~Keeper

[edit on 21/6/09 by pretty_vacant]

Dont you think you made her feel stupid by the fact you sent her an e-mail that needed links on it? If you knew she would not understand these words then why not just use more basic terminology?

reply to post by Majestic23

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That's the problem.

Is intelligent human beings, with broad vocabularies are forced to "dumb" down to the level of the average ape.

He should not have to do that. He should be able to use such words and educate others on their meaning. It's not to MAKE people feel stupid, it's to make them feel less stupid.

~Keeper

reply to post by autowrench

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I guess I'm in a different boat but same water.

Just the other day after working with a crew of 3 other people for only a month, not knowing them from adam over a month ago, a situation arose where everyone was trying to figure a problem quickly, on the spot everyone attempting to give direction without the time to think the situation through, and as I physicaly placed my hands on the problem and repeated the first step in my plan over and over in a calm manner, the leader of our group stated in what I percieved to be at that moment a very honest tone, "Lets listen to "Tyler 720", he's smarter than all of us."

Of course my plan worked like a charm, as had many others in the preceding month, thus leading the foreman to believe that I was the sharpest tool in the shed.

The fact that someone acknowledges that is a direct clue to that person being closer to your inteligence level than you may think. For they are on the same path as you, a quest for knowledge. At least they are not the ones who become jealous, angry, hatefull, or create an illusion of a lie in their own mind that negates your inteligence.

reply to post by autowrench

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What you lack, is respect.
Intelligent you may be, and you man know more than most.
But respect, you are still to learn.

To respect is a different form of intelligence. It is a form in witch one understands that humans are different and the way to deal with it and be intelligent about it is to respect them in any human form they are currently in.

After you learn respect, and only then, will you will actually be "smart".

reply to post by autowrench

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You must resist the urge to use your powers for evil , instead of good .d .

Praying on the insecurities of your partner isn`t a healthy way to reaffirm your "intelligence" .


post by autowrench


Good for you , just don`t tread on the backs of others in your quest for elevation .

But it lacks empathy as others have indicated. Its ok to have a high intelligence, but to function properly we need emotional intelligence aswell.
Some of the most intelligent people I know have absolutely no common sense.

But say you was a parent and wanted to teach your child a value, or life after death or the birds an the bees would you tell them as you would an adult? No because it would make it impossile to explain the overall concept.

OP you make me feel stupid


Most of the threads on here make me feel stupid. Talking about Space Time Physics and what not. I'm lurking like hmmm anyone see the new South Park!?

Good Job ATS Your the reason I go for that "Other drink"

There's no shame in educating oneself.Reading is the key, a dieing art it seems with so many people functionally illiterate.Your intelligence may intimidate certain people in these times of devalued education . keep in mind that some may feel threatened by your intelligence but don't stop learning the world needs people like you.

reply to post by Majestic23

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Well that's not true at all. My children were never given "dumped" down explanations for anything. I explained it to them as any adult would to another adult, I simply formulated it carefully and took the time to explain everything bit by bit.

You see it's about time and effort. To make sure that you the intelligent person are not stepping on that persons toes, you have to give that person the chance to come to the knowledge you have.

That's all the OP did. He used words which he wanted to use, knew she wouln't understand, so gave her the meanings. I see no wrong in that.

~Keeper

I think when people say *you make me feel stupid*.It really means i don't know much about the topic to discuss it with you..in the end we are all stupid or ignorant of something,it all depends on what you personally value most in learning about.And that differs for many people.

reply to post by autowrench

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simple really

Find more people who have brains..

I know this sounds cold and insulting to many... but the fact is people are dumb

I mean look out your window?

nothing wrong with understanding mate.. most people who are stupid cling to one thing and wont let go for fear of ridicule

when the very thing they ridicule was a choice given to them in order to understand

Logic plays in this



So my answer? do not care i would have used other words but T+C would slap me about my head !

hehe

If you think it is ok to approach a conversation with someone you know well like you would a debate on an internet forum about conspiracies then no, you probably wouldant see anything wrong with that.

However in the eyes of the majority, who by defintion are not always so intelligent, that is not normal and might illicit many reactions such as "you make me feel stupid".

Well I have always enjoyed your replies Autowrench. You are wise knowledgeable and experienced. Never a braggart nor disrespectful, you always bring a good vibe to any thread.
My friends are my family and since they have discovered the amount of research I have done, they turn to me for advice. So I would not be too worried about your friends, take it as a compliment

reply to post by Majestic23

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Which is why this sort of thing is required on the part of the "intelligent" minority in order to help everybody else come to terms.

It's not a hard thing and it's what we strive for isn't it? I know I wanted my kids to be AS smart if not smarter than they're fathers are. In the case of my older daughter we have succeeded.

We did so not by making her feel stupid but by answering ALL of her questions, whenever she asked them with real answers, and then giving her an outlet to learn for herself.

If people are going to be offended by somebody attempting to educate them that is by all means a complex they have and should not reflect negatively on the party that initiated the act.

~Keeper

Being a member of the Mensa Society I converse with truly super intelligent people.
I have made many hard and fast friends but on the whole I find my fellow members a bit egotistical and with not one ounce of humility.

There are two friends I dearly love but can't stand being around them very long. They know it all and flaunt it.

So, you may have a communication problem. It may be your attitude. If you had sent me a letter with links to words you deliberately used that you felt I didn't know I would have thrown it back at you with a rock balled up in it.

Delivery is the key when explaining something. Anybody can fill their conservation or writings with what I call $20.00 words.

The really intelligent people realize that they must Taylor their message so that the majority of people hearing it will understand what they are attempting to put forth.

Arrogance and a superior attitude have no place in fruitful conversation.

I'm not saying you have a bad attitude. I certainly admire your self education but there are many just like you.

One of my motto's is, " When you stop learning you start dying."