Understanding Depression (Important Info Everyone Should Know)

Thank you berenike... that helped a bit.

I'm feeling okay now. But that's the problem with this thing, it's like there's a switch in your head that operates when it pleases and stuffs everything up. I wonder when it's going to flick "off" again, and turn my life to # once more.

I don't wish this "illness" on anybody...

reply to post by dmorgan

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I wish I could be more of a help.

If you ever feel so low again, please let me know. Even if I can't find the right words, you'll at least know that I am thinking of you and supporting you.

[edit on 10-7-2009 by KSPigpen]

[edit on 10-7-2009 by KSPigpen]

Hi....

I have read most of the replies here....

I have a question.

What are the spouses/family members of the depressed person to do?

What more are we to do besides love unconditional, be supportive etc...

What is our role in helping? Can we help?

Sorry for so many questions, but I would like your advice.

thanks so much....

reply to post by notsosweet

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I've spent quite a bit of time trying to think of a way to answer your question.

The unconditional love and support you mention is probably about the best thing you can provide.

A couple of dont's: Never tell someone to 'pull themselves together' or say something like 'I don't know what your problem is'. (I'm not suggesting that you actually would).

Being available to listen when they finally want to talk is a good thing. As is leaving them alone when they want some time to themselves.

Try and remember that they are fighting a barrage of negativity just to function. I describe it as trying to swim through treacle. Everything you try to do just seems so much more difficult than it should be.

Another thing, as well as being depressed a person may have some character flaws that under normal circumstances they can overcome. When they're depressed they may not have the ability to fight off things such as laziness, a general inability to motivate themselves, a tendency to boredom, slight agoraphobia or a reluctance to deal with other people. (I cite these as examples because they are the sort of problems I have).

If someone talks about killing themselves don't try to stop them - talking that is . Give them them a way to let those feelings out. Talk about it with them, discuss it as you would any other subject. Some people may disagree with me on this but I can only tell you that in my case, if I was prepared to talk about it I was less likely to do it.

You might recognise the signs when a loved one is depressed, but don't assume that they know it themselves. A person can be depressed for a long time before the realisation dawns on them. That's just because it can be such a natural way of life.

I mean, if something happens to make you miserable you experience the event and then you cry about it. You know what's happened.

Depression has very deep roots and can creep up and the sufferer may not know if anything in particular triggered it or if it just 'caught up with them'.

I think the more you talk the more you can picture the other person's mental landscape. If you can put yourself into that landscape you will be able to understand them better. See if you can get them to describe it for you, it may help them. If they say they are in a black hole, see if you can throw in a lifeline. Ask them to see a golden thread and hold on while you pull. Be their beacon, something they can see and work towards. If they say they are in a desolate landscape, sit with them and offer a shoulder to cry on, maybe show them a doorway back to the real world. This may not seem like a good idea to everyone - only do it if you feel comfortable with it.

I hope this helps. I know it can be frustrating not being able to help someone when they really need it. Especially when they thwart all your efforts. I've been in despair myself trying to help people who just 'bat' away all my sensible suggestions or clever ideas.

I think, really, that people will be helped when they want to be helped. You just have to be patient and wait for the right time.

reply to post by berenike

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Thank you so much for this wealth of information. I will be following your advice the best I can. I know my hubby can get thru this...Its a slow process, but its getting a little better, day by day..

If I have any other questions I hope that you won't mind if I ask you.

reply to post by notsosweet

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I'm here most days and will help if I can. Hopefully you might get some more insight from other people, too.

I hope things continue to improve for you both.

[edit on 13-7-2009 by berenike]

I'm pretty sure I have BDD (body dysmorphic disorder) plus all the other disorders that go with it (comorbidity). I'm seeing my doctor this month so I'll talk to him about it then... Man I'm such a messed up person. He originally diagnosed me with depression but apparently misdiagnoses are common because BDD shares different psychiatric problems.

I pretty much match all of the symptoms listed on Wikipedia:

Symptoms

• Obsessive thoughts about perceived appearance defect - YES
  
• Obsessive and compulsive behaviors related to perceived appearance defect (see section below) - YES
  
• Major depressive disorder symptoms - YES
  
• Delusional thoughts and beliefs related to perceived appearance defect - POSSIBLY
  
• Social and family withdrawal, social phobia, loneliness and self-imposed social isolation - YES
  
• Suicidal ideation - YES
  
• Anxiety; possible panic attacks - YES - had one last week, had to go to medical centre early one morning because it wouldn't stop
  
• Chronic low self-esteem - YES
  
• Feeling self-conscious in social environments; thinking that others notice and mock their perceived defect - YES
  
• Strong feelings of shame - YES
  
• Avoidant personality: avoiding leaving the home, or only leaving the home at certain times, for example, at night - YES
  
• Dependant personality: dependence on others, such as a partner, friend or family - NO
  
• Inability to work or an inability to focus at work due to preoccupation with appearance - YES
  
• Decreased academic performance (problems maintaining grades, problems with school/college attendance) - YES
  
• Problems initiating and maintaining relationships (both intimate relationships and friendships) - YES
  
• Alcohol and/or drug abuse (often an attempt to self-medicate) - NO
  
• Repetitive behaviour such as constantly applying make up and often applying it quite heavily - YES - not makeup, but hair product etc
  
• Seeing slightly varying image of self upon each instance of observal in mirror/reflective surface - YES - this can change daily
  

Compulsive behaviours

• Compulsive mirror checking, glancing in reflective doors, windows and other reflective surfaces - YES
  
• Alternatively, an inability to look at one's own reflection or photographs of oneself; often the removal of mirrors from the home - YES - regarding photographs
  
• Attempting to camouflage imagined defect: for example, using cosmetic camouflage, wearing baggy clothing, maintaining specific body posture or wearing hats - YES
  
• Excessive grooming behaviors: skin-picking, combing hair, plucking eyebrows, shaving, etc - SOMETIMES
  
• Compulsive skin-touching, especially to measure or feel the perceived defect - SOMETIMES
  
• Becoming hostile toward people for no known reason, especially those of the opposite sex - YES
  
• Reassurance-seeking from loved ones - YES
  
• Excessive dieting / exercise, or work on outside appearance - SOMETIMES
  
• Self harm - NO
  
• Comparing appearance/body-parts with that of others, or obsessive viewing of favorite celebrities or models whom the person suffering from BDD wishes to resemble - YES
  
• Use of distraction techniques: an attempt to divert attention away from the person's perceived defect, e.g. wearing extravagant clothing or excessive jewelry - SOMETIMES
  
• Compulsive information seeking: reading books, newspaper articles and websites which relates to the person's perceived defect, e.g. hair loss or dieting and exercise - YES
  
• Obsession with plastic surgery or dermatology procedures, with little satisfactory results for the patient - POSSIBLY
  
• In extreme cases, patients have attempted to perform plastic surgery on themselves, including liposuction and various implants with disastrous results. Patients have even tried to remove undesired features with a knife or other such tool when the center of the concern is on a point, such as a mole or other such feature in the skin. This can be deadly - NO
  
• Excessive enema use - NO
  

I don't tell any friends or acquaintances about my problems because I know from the past that most people don't want to deal with a depressed person, they think depressed people are weird. So I'm forced to lie about certain things which I hate doing.

I would like to be a normal person because this stuff has ruined my life pretty much.

Anyone who is free of any mental illness is a very lucky person, you don't know how lucky you are.

Apparently this can be one of the worst illnesses and hard to treat... so yeah pretty messed up

[edit on 14/7/09 by dmorgan]

reply to post by dmorgan

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There are a few on that list that I can relate to.

Notably not wanting to leave the house - I overcome that one, especially with needing to walk the dog. It's a lot easier out in the country too. I'm not worried about the outdoors - just coping with people.

I do wear loose clothes that cover me from neck to foot. I feel more comfortable that way. I'd rather people had a laugh at my dress sense than criticize me, physically.

My problem isn't that I'm uncomfortable with myself, I just know I'm not the 'norm' in so many ways. I think I make other people uncomfortable, too. I used to get gawped at a lot when I lived in the city, even when I toned my look down. I used to feel like a tourist attraction.

I so hope your doctor will be able to help you with this.

I hope this remark isn't inappropriate but I think, from your avatar, that you're very nice looking.

And you are an individual, we can't all conform. Some of us are just 'different'. And maybe we need to be perverse enough to revel in it instead of worrying so much about it

Could your worries be almost as much about other people being cruel as thinking there is anything actually wrong with you?

I spent my entire childhood being told that I was 'born awkward' or 'oh, trust you' or 'you would, wouldn't you' or 'you have to be different' or 'you always have to go your own sweet way'.

Yep - that's me.

By the way Berenike, thanks for being supportive. I find it easier to talk to someone online rather than face to face about stuff like this.

Today is alright. Tomorrow could be a different story.

I was 12 when I developed depression. It was a horrible time and I seem to have mentally blocked most of it, and even today, thinking back, I'm beginning to feel that it wasn't even that bad..
But then I remember faking good moods and smiles all of the time around everyone so I wouldn't have to explain my "bad" mood or start up a conversation over my emotions.. I remember the suicide note I had begun to write which, in the end, I couldn't finish.. I remember hating getting up to go to school everyday. I could hardly get up out of bed, like there was nothing to live for.. I never talked about anything much with my parents or family. I'm a very closed, introverted person and mostly wanted to save myself the embarrassment of disclosing my complex emotions with my family. It was, and to some extent still is, difficult for me to do. The only person I confided in about my problems was my best friend, who was going through something similar at the time.. We helped each other, but above all, understood each other.

So, when the pressure became too much from my parents, from school and everything just felt like it was on top of me, I started this downward spiral.. The thing is, looking at it from an objective perspective, I really had nothing to get depressed over. I had a loving family who just wanted me to do my best, I was receiving an enviable education, I was well-off financially, I had everything that a teenager could need or want, and yet I was so unhappy. Something was missing inside and that was the trigger. I think the main main contributer, however, was the pressure I was under from my parents to do well at school. Since forever, all I have wanted to do was please my parents and they were quite ardent, quite strict with my academic performance. I tried to do my best all of the time, but it never seemed good enough.
Perhaps I was just over-dramatising it at the time, since I was quite sensitive as a kid back then, and maybe it wasn't as bad as I thought it was. I mean, I was just beginning highschool, I had to get used to completely new surroundings, meet all these new people, get used to all this new study, it was over-whelming enough as it was...

But somehow I managed to escape. I think that, and I'm not exactly sure how, music played a major role. It was the beginning of my adolescence, my coming-into awareness, and I was starting to make conscious choices about everything from the clothes I wore to the music I listened to. I found this whole new world in music and something switched inside and saved me. I think it was probably the whole expanding of my perspective of the world. Nowadays, I believe perception to be everything.

And that's my story. Nice information on depression OP I enjoyed the read

Vacant

Something you need to take into serious consideration.

Reaction to Food.
There are soooo many synthetic chemicals in our food these days that Hopitals have reported a 400% increase in emergency foom visits due to something someone ate.

Check out this list...do an elimination diet. Buy organic only and see if it helps. ONe word of caustion here..many Organic growers are still using a fertilizer with a high concentration of Glutatmate - which is a nerve toxin.

food and depression

To understand the progression of illness with the progression of the addtion of synthetic chemicals into our food read this:
the 100 year lie

This thread by ImaMarty may be of interest to anyone suffering from depression. It's about a treatment called Neurofeedback. I've never heard of it before, but it sounds very promising:

www.abovetopsecret.com...