Webbot 2.0 predictions for 2009 be very afraid!

My name is webot 2.0
I am new and improved.

I scour not only websites but email blogs and twitter accounts for the most used terms, idioms, platitudes and pontifications.
My predictions are better than webot. They are accurate to within one to two decades, one to two hemospheres and within a margin of error of 1 to 1 trillion (damages, lives lost, property damage etc..)
Beat that Webbot 1.0!!


My predictions for 2009 are:

Earthquakes: I see several *significant earthquakes coming in 2009, some will be to the *west, some will be *devestating, one will be more powerful than the rest. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

World Wide Economy tanks: I see much economic turmoil in the world, lots of money will be lost, jobs will be lost, people will look for work.

Jobs will be lost: a lot of people will lose a job. (see above prediction for proof)

Hunger & starvation: I see much hunger & starvation all over the world, which will cause civil unrest in *many locations, *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Housing Bubble: The housing market will continue to try to sell houses: Nuff said.

Tsunami: I see several *significant Tsunamis coming in 2009, some will be to the *west, some will be *devestating, one will be more powerful than the rest. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Riots will increase: I see many riots all over the wolrd, civil unrest in *many locations, *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Tornadoes: I see several *significant Tornadoes coming in 2009, some will be to the *west, some will be *devestating, one will be more powerful than the rest. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Obamamania will rise: Many people will fall over and pass out at Obama rallies all over the US and Europe. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Obamamania will decline: Obama will be revealed as the guy who is under the 'fro and glasses in the Yo Gabba Gabba show.

Obamamania will rise again: Keith Olberman, Chris Matthews and Katie Curic will jointly decree that Obama is "better than John F. Kenedy and Abraham Lincoln Combined" and move to strike the former presidents rom the record books (January 21st, 2009) Parties ensue.

Terrorist Attacks will rise: I see many Terrorist Attacks all over the world, death and destruction in *many locations, *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Flooding: I see several *significant *massive flood event coming in 2009, some will be to the *west, some will be *devestating, one will be more powerful than the rest. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Cubs will still be losers: I see the Chicago Cubs NOT winning the World Series in November. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.

Lance Armstrong will win the Tour de France - 2009: I see Lance winning and the French whining "Ca fait chier" for six months . *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.
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I have made my predictions now please go secure your hot water heater and if you are one of the 5 billion unlucky enough to not be abe to aford a hot water heater than I suggest you go boil a bucket of water and then secure it so it doesn't fall on the floor causing problems. *Life will be lost, *property will be damaged, *people will die.


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*significant: Meaning someone somewhere thinks it's a pretty big deal

*massive: Meaning bigger than a little bit and less than enormous.

*west: Meaning somewhere to the west of your location right now, anywhere from 1 to 24,901.55 miles (40,075.16 kilometers). from your current location to the west.

*devestating: Meaning someone, somewhere will be pretty upset.

*many: Meaning relative to one, more than one equals many

*Life: if not human, then most certainly animal, and if not animal at least some insect and if not insects, some plant life at least.

*property: meaning something somewhere, anything, anywhere.

*people: Meaning probably "brownish" in color and therefore much todo about nothing.. eh?


END:

Note: If any of my predictions do not come true by the end of 2009 , substitute 2009 for 2010 and pretend not to notice.

Rinse Lather Repeat

these are so true. its hard to see why we need a machine to tell us all that.

Now that is a very facinating posting. You are the most noble of all Web bots. Could you do me a big favor and plug in the term into Web bot 2.0 "bite, my, asp" and see what you get........


Looking forward to your response........

My prediction is that some people *might think that is funny.



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*might: funny is a subjective response, sometimes what you or I may think is funny is really what others believe to be a lame attempt at humor.

Oh dear mr web will be annoyed at you...lol. I seecivil unrest in many locations, life will be lost, people will die....

reply to post by gormly

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any links for this web bot?

Star and flag! This was great fun.
You deserve 'writer' under your name.

reply to post by gormly

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My favorite is the Cubs one...

Give something tangible..just saying more gloom and doom next year than this is a given...

reply to post by FlyersFan

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Hey hey hey, I have writer under my name and take offence to the fact that you think webot 2.0 deserves the same title, surely not until service pack 1 and 2 have been installed.

Back to topic, well pretty much what has been predicted the majority of us could have come up with a pretty similar list, as most things mentioned are a current part of our lives around the world today.

Writer pffffttttt

Wolfie

reply to post by gormly

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Well tell you what, don't bother to secure your water heater - lets make fun of me asking people to do that instead.

Let me ask you something - is it really so funny to ask people to take a simple precaution to do something? Especially, since that one percaution can actually save their lives if something does happen?

reply to post by gormly

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some peoples replies eh

star

Webbot 2.0 predictions for 2009

My Predictions are:

Sports The Toronto Maple Leafs will NOT win the Stanley Cup this year or the next disappointing millions.*Life will be lost,*Property will be damaged,*People will die.

Celebrities Britney Spears comeback will be over as quick as she beats Sean and Jayden.*Life will be lost,*Property will be damaged,*People will die.

Oil What will be used in 2010 to Tar and Feather Good' ol Georgie the retarded chimp who ruled a nation.*Life will be lost,*Property will be damaged,*People will die.

Bilderberg They will meet in secret, share nothing they talk about and go back to there rooms to molest children. Hence why the punishment for committing the crime is so pathetic. oh ya!! *Life will be lost,*Property will be damaged,*People will die.

Definitions:

Stanley Cup The pinicle of Hockey!, which people get paid next to nothing to play and compete for. Help the Under Paid Players of the NHL please! Donate to UPPNHL.

beats As in a swarm of loving kisses from an attentive parent what would do, when confronted by parenthood.

Georgie Can't remember what he did, and there's alot of George's out there so i'll move on..

Retarded The people who voted George Bush Jr in for a second term!!

Molest As in Educate young ones on wearing there RFID chip to be cool like everyone else. Pick yours up today only for 50% of the retail price at any Fox station, just walk in and say bahh bahh!!!



[edit on 11/13/07 by Spaxz]

My prediction is that some people won't "get it."

Your amusing parody does bring to mind the "predictions" called the "Barnum effect" ( www.paranormality.com... for those of you who haven't heard of it.) Looking at Google searches, and "most popular" www.google.com... for the US, I'd say that various celebrities that I've never heard of are headed to a recession over the 30 year fixed mortgage rates at the Bureau of Economic Trends.

...and it's probably to the west of someone somewhere. *property will be damaged *people will see movies that make think the creator's career will die soon.

[edit on 1-12-2008 by Byrd]

When I read the title I automaticly thought "Here we go again." I even started reading the "predictions" thinking that there was another version of Webbot somewhere.

I have to say that that was honestly one of the funniest things that I have read all day today (and I needed it after spending several hours on ATS).

In all seriousness, I could see any of those things happening, especially the one about tornados.

Webbot 2.0 Update:

There has already been a terrorist attack.
My prediction chart is throught the roof!

(sorry Cub fans)

You don't get out much do you?

I think some of you missed the funny boat.
This was a P A R O D Y my friends a tribute to the absurd that lurks around ATS on a dialy basis.

(except for the cubbies thing.. that was 100% serious and entirely accurate)





There are a lot of dangers in the home, pissing my wife off is one of them, but I don't enchorage tying her down, she'll only get more pissed.

I'd be more afraid of things coming down on my head in an earthquake than an exploding water heater.

You weren't a specific target my friend, so chill.. it was more of a knock on someone preparing for an earthquake based on a webbot prediction.

[edit on 2-12-2008 by gormly]

Terrific thread Gormly! Best read I've had in some time. I ignored this thread lots of times because I though it was serious. Glad I finally checked it out. You've started my day off with a good laugh. I'm in a good mood now. Cheers for that, my friend.

Star & flag!

[edit on 12/2/2008 by Static Sky]

Ha, excellent.

After reading the first few lines I was already hitting the Post button, outraged. "How the hell can you predict earthquakes from twitter you idiot" etc. Then I read a bit more then got it.

The problem is with all the idiocy that gets posted as "predictions" on this site spotting parody can be quite tricky. You predictions are actually more specific than some serious ones.

ROTFLMFAO

YOU ARE CORRECT! IT IS HIM!!!! LOOK!