"you're stupid" metaphors

drunks recent thread gave me a great idea. i just love these kinda metaphors:

you're not the sharpest tool in the shed

the engines running, but there's nobody behind the wheel

but my favorite is: some of the cheese slid off your cracker

An old one here

You're not the crispiest chip in the bag.

Personally I just say "someone's an idiot"

You're 1 can short of a sixpack

your elevator doesnt go to the top floor

another one: Are you familiar with the term, dumber than a bag of hammers?

Not the brightest Crayon in the box.

The wheel is spinning, but the hamsters already dead.


Sideline: A phrase that really annoyes me is 'I could care less' when what people really mean is 'I could NOT care less'. (Mild rant for the morning.)

The lights are on but nobody's home.............


Your as sharp as a sperm hitting the vagina wall.


Your as comforting as a rock in my shoe.

[Edited on 30-3-2004 by TrueLies]

How about this one:

Youre the sharpest marble in the bag.

one brick short of a load !

Your 3 fries short of a happy-meal

Don't eat any wooden nickels!

Wait! That's not right.

Its time to up your medication!

You're not the sharpest peanut in the #.

He's four cards short of a straight...

That was so funny! Good one...... lol!

Bright as a terd in a horse's butt.

Quick as a dead turtle.

It goes in one ear and just bounces around.

I found some metaphors made by stupid people, quite amusing.

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

Every minute without you feels like 60 seconds.

And my favourite...

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

what about
a couple of tacos short of a fiesta.
and a couple of sandwiches short of a picnic.

I'm sure you've all heard of Weird "Al" Yankovich. In his new CD Poodle Hat, his song Genius in France has all kinds of these... like: I couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel, I'm not the brightest bulb on the Christmas tree, I'm about as sharp as a bowling ball, and my personal favorite:The room temperature's higher than my IQ.

Here's the rest of the lyrics:
Genius In France