Hmmm,
I'm not a Psychologist or anything, but I think that you are taking the feelings that you have for your freind as an alternate relationship offering
that someone else may fill, but you won't let them.
Though you haven't found that person yet that makes you feel like your freind might.
You find yourself charmed by other people either in a work environment or social situation that you may not be attracted too usually, but still you
find them VERY attractive and don't know why.
I can see why you are confussed, because these people represent what you may want too be, you see them and hear them speak, you see how they make
others laugh, create a presence in a room and they make you feel good also when you're around them.
I see this all the time in my own life, though I am not gay, I find some people incredibly alluring, only because they contain certain qualities that
I would love too have and when I am around them they make me feel that the world has been realigned. The thing is, though I am not around them all the
time and I have other really good freinds that I connect with on a different plain I know that my emotional feelings towards these people are, in
essence about what I feel that I lack in myself.
I am not saying that you are insecure, but that maybe you feel that you have lacked a certain quality that makes you become charmed by others because
they have that certain quality that you feel you don't have.
I could keep on going, maybe I am close too what you needed too hear, maybe I am a long way off and maybe I am not.
Cheers, Fox.
...but in the end.... This is the Internet... and I am not a Doctor, I wish you all the best.
