Is your anus acting weird?

I dunno, I think something is going on, perhaps you guys can all help me out. Share your experiences.
Maybe it's local, national, I don't know.

All I know is something odd is going on with my anus and I have others who have similar experiences.

Ok so it started a few weeks ago, I'd be driving home from work and I'd have to change my position.
I didn't think anything about it, I though maybe I needed a shower or something. Try as I might I just couldn't get comfortable. After while I forgot about it.

A day or so later the same thing happened only it was when I was going to work this time.
My pants were starting to stick to my "cheeks", it ws very annoying.
It continued while I was at work, I had to keep shifting my seat, it felt like I was holding back something serious. Try as I might I just couldn't get comfortable.

Next few days I get the same thing, something’s my anus would feel "full", sometimes it would feel contracted, sometimes it would burn, still others my anus would feel like it was harboring something, almost.. menacing like.

I was worried, I wondered if it was just me so I asked Dan our tech guy if he was having any trouble with his anus and he said, "yea.. Always have trouble with it".
I asked him what kind of trouble and he said he could never sit correctly anymore; he said it's been that way ever since he got married in Massachusetts. I found that odd because his family is in Ohio, (but thats another topic) anyway. I told him my troubles and he said, "we'll they can't be related, you're not like me" and I thought that was an odd comment, but Dan is an odd guy so I let it go.

I talked to my brother and he said he felt the same way, I assume he was embarrassed to talk about it cause he laughed a bit when he said "my anus hurts too".

Is it such a bad thing to talk about ones anus?

Ok, so on to the next week.. each day goes by I had uncomfortablility it would last a long time on some days and shorter on others... WTF?

I started asking my other co-workers and I swear they all have similar issue, everyone has a comment about their anus. Everyone had constructive things to say about their anuses.. well everyone except Denise and Jenna, Denise said "yeah, right, ask me again buddy" (I didn't like her tone).... and Jenna said "maybe I'd like it to?" (that was uncomfortable, let me tell ya...)

Maybe girls just don't like talking about their anus?

So after about two weeks of my anus acting weird and asking other people about it I figured this must be news, this must be something. I know other people post about dogs, stomach aches, feeling depressed, feeling angry, on ATS so I figured so I'll post this to. Seems like the right place to get answers.


So I ask all of my fellow members...


Is your anus acting weird?

Okay...

There doesn't appear to a conspiratorial angle to this malady... So off to BTS Health and Wellness we shall go...

And thanks for sharing...

reply to post by gormly

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Thank you for this thread. It pretty much made my entire week.

I am very sorry to hear that you are have some discomfort with your anus.
I would first suggest that you see a doctor, just in case.

Have you recently change the type of toilet tissue you use? Sometimes the perfumed kinds can cause a reaction..

Good luck with your anus.

Well, I'm not so sure. It only takes three people to have a conspiracy, and the author has provided two other people that are suffering from the condition, and because he knows them both there is a reasonable link.

But, I'm not gonna press you on the issue.

On Topic...
Maybe it's something in the local water?

Anyways, Good luck.

Thanks for the concern about my anus!

For the record, MODS are awfully selective here on ATS.

My post ws no different than the more "popular" on a mood swing. Perfectly fine to discuss a health realted mood swing but not a conspiratorial anus probe?? I woud think a probe of the anus topic would more than midly stimulating here on ATS, no?

Indeed!

Um..Yeah..
PAGING DOC LOVE!!!
I know he wouldn't want to miss this thread.

I'm sure you started this as a serious topic, so I must apologize..BUTT this was the first thing that popped into my head...

YouTube Link

reply to post by gormly

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First of all, gormly, here's a star for speaking about a difficult subject.

(At first I thought you were using 'Anus' and a euphemism for 'Outgoing President', but then I realised you were being serious!)

I'd definitely take that advice to get your doctor to give you the once-over to make sure there's not a little problem developing. To hell with the embarassment of a personal examination - it pales into comparison with what happens when people leave things like this until it's too late...

Sounds to me from your description as if you might need a diet adjustment - much less meat, more fibe, plenty of fresh vegetables kind of thing. Lay off the fats. Could be a little pile grumbling away, and a healthy diet sorts that out.

Best of luck, and hope it all turns out well for you.

[edit on 12/9/2008 by jupiter1uk]

[edit on 12/9/2008 by jupiter1uk]

You might have discomfort if your anus is slamming shut when you have a bowel movement. Check to see if your turds are properly tapered. If not you had best see a medical specialist as soon as possible.

Sounds like an early onset of assteroids to me.




Not a one line post





Edit to add: best thread ever!!

[edit on 9/12/08 by BlackOps719]

Honestly, you might check to see if you used different laundry soap or fabric softener.

You would be surprised how many people are allergeric to specific brands and never know until they switch.

I would recommend seeing a doctor.
DocMoreau

LOL

Sounds like you have to buy yourself TUCKS and be gentle on your

Also dont eat anything HOT for awhile.

Baby your butt and some DESITIN might help.

Good luck.

I'd tell you about mine, but its such a crappy subject.

-- OFFICIALLY BRANDED A WACK THREAD BY THE UNION OF WACK POSTERS--

and at this thread title.

Personally my anus is quite well, thank you for asking!

As for your problem, I'm learning towards HAARP, or perhaps the LHC is causing your anus to begin to collapse in on itself. Better get yourself a mirror and start looking for the black hole

I would hate to get serious in this thread and have it turn out to be a joke!

I mean I would hate to end up being the "butt" of the jokes on here!

So why would you out in public and say your having issues with your anus? I mean I would think thats a very personal ordeal, and you would want to keep that to yourself. Not only yourself, but prehaps someone very close to you, or the family doctor.

I have to admit. I feel this thread is a baiting of sorts, to bring those with an open heart to come and spill the beans and end up sharing something that would otherwise make the populas here on BTS/ATS look at you like.. OMG that dude is talking about his ass!
And showing his or her ASS to everyone here!

Do you know that BTS/ATS is a very powerful tool! Inwhich your inner most ideas, and writtings become world wide?

Do you really want the world to know your having Issues with your anus?

Me, I dont! lol So Im not having any issues with my Anus.. And even if I was I wouldnt be talking about it here.

I dont mean to sound mean or anything, but this is by far one of the strange threads I have seen. And bearing it all like this either takes some guts, or just simply a baiting thread to give others ammo!!!

I know this game all too well!! Ive had some close friends or a girlfriend where I tell them something very private about myself.
Only to turn out in a couple months to a year, everything I once said is used as ammo VS my very being..
Not strange it happens all the time.. Its a low level mind game, that has much to do with control!

Otherwise man, I would say you have Hermroids!! Most working men and women get them! And when you fly commando! You tend to get them more often than not!
Also when you sweat.. Your pants will chafe your Anus and make you very uncomfortable!!! Its something most of us deal with..
Yet its not something you just jump online and talk freely about, IMO..

Sounds like Hemroids.. Preperation H!



Why am I not suprised at all the jokes on here!! hehe AD I love ya!
I was thinking Ace too when I heard this!! Let me ass you a few questions!
LOL..

And on a side note.. If its not hemroids.. And if you are a gay male.. Well putting anything in your anus will lead to alot of trouble!!
Personally I would totally be gay if it wasnt for the whole but sex thingy..
That just totally grosses me out! and is well... Un-natural! To me thats a one way street!!! And I know your all thinking it.. So I said it!
And I have nothing aginst gays!!! Im all for humans loving humans!
Its just like I said the whole Anus sex is a bit unclean, dangerous and not safe in the least bit..
I mean with my GF its okay once in a while.. but Im not here to get into details about such things.. I really dont know why Im even in this thread..
I guess its becasue I cant sleep and this seemed like the fun thing to do at the time..

Best of luck with your Butt!!! lol personal matters IMO..

[edit on 13-9-2008 by zysin5]

Just a quick question that I think is of great relevance:
Have any of you ever had something inserted into your anuses?

Someone's looking to fit in

Anyone else think the OP is full of sh......


Ooops T &C violation

But seriously dude....go to a doctor

OMG! ROFLMAO!
I just spit coffee all over my keyboard from laughing!


Oh boy, it sure didn't take long for this thread to go south.
I agree with Zysin5 though OP. Your anus is considered a "Private" part, and anything to do with it should be discussed "Privately". Unless of course you float a loud air biscuit. I'm sure I need not remind you of proper etiquette in that situation.