Aaaaargh!

I've been listening to the ATS podcasts for months, but it was something on one of the BTS relationship threads that finally got me to register. This has been bugging me for years and no one, not even my therapist, has given me a satisfactory reply.

So this 21-year-old guy posted about not being able to get a girlfriend. I've got news for you, buddy: I'm 36, and it *can* get worse. And for the last twenty years, I've been getting the same effing useless advice (no offense against you guys in general, but boy is this advice annoying!) that Spencer and Doc gave this poor sap in the last BTS Mix show: "Get some self-confidence and stop being so interested."

It. Doesn't. Work. If I *had* any self-confidence, I wouldn't have this problem, now would I? I can't exactly go down to the grocery store and buy a case of self-confidence to top myself off with. And I *am* interested. I don't have this miracle "turn off my emotions" switch that all you well-meaning advice-givers seem to think is standard issue on a human. Either I'm a psychological cripple, or PEOPLE CAN'T WAKE UP ONE MORNING AND DECIDE TO HAVE NO INTEREST IN LOVE OR SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, there are ways to boost self-confidence. I know this; I know this from experience. The problem is, every time I get enough of it to express interest in a woman, I get shot down cold and *lose* it all! What the Hades? I guess I just have to swear off any interest in women for five or six years until I've built up my self-confidence enough that it can survive two or three or ten or twenty or a hundred or a thousand hits.

And as for that lack of interest, I suppose I can fake it. Build an asexual, unromantic persona for myself. Be less than honest. Lie through my frigging teeth to the very people I'm trying to "be myself" (another wonderful piece of advice that I've heard so many times it makes me puke) for. The really, truly disgusting thing about that is that I'm horrified that it might *actually work*. If that really is the way to do it, if faking disinterest will really have women tying themselves naked to my bedposts like everyone seems to think it will, then we as a species don't deserve to breed.

I don't get it. After over two decades of trying to figure out how to get this whole love thing *started* I Do. Not. Get it. I even tried an online service and got told that I was so hopeless they wouldn't take my money. I guess I'm just an evolutionary dead end.

Hope humanity doesn't need my genes six generations from now, because they won't be around to use!

I think it comes down to how badly do you really want some vagina.


If a dog is hungry he's gone eat.

I know its not what you want to hear, but you're most likely getting turned down because you don't have any confidence.

Sure you got enough confidence to approach her and initiate conversation, but you probably don't realize how awkward and uncomfortable you are while talking to her. Lots of women (not all women) find a man with no confidence a turn off.

One very important thing you have to remember is EVERYONE gets turned down. When you're playing baseball, no one remembers the strikeouts, but everyone remembers the home run. Babe Ruth was one of the biggest strikeouts in baseball at that time, but he also had the most home runs.

If your confidence implodes after getting rejected by just one women, than you won't have any luck picking any up. One thing you can do to handle rejection better is go to a bar and approach every woman you see.

Of course you won't suceed, but the more and more you get rejected, the more accustomed you become to it and eventually become fearless of being rejected. Slowly but surely you'll become less awkward and nervous while talking to women.

After a while you'll be able to approach the hot woman sitting a couple tables away and you won't be a mess.

Another very good way to build self confidence is to work out. Start lifting weights. Start feeling good about yourself. You will feel less insecure about yourself.


[edit on 7-9-2008 by ben420]