well we all know that women = time and money
since time IS money women = money squared
money = the square root of all evil
therefore women = evil



(note: i dont really think women are evil, i love them all )

reply to post by Xilvius

---

I certainly hope you are wearing a flame retardant suite? lol

Ah what the hell, I'm bored ......... I'll jump in:

===========

ATM PROCEDURES FOR OUR MALE CUSTOMERS:

Drive up to the ATM.
Lower your window.
Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
Raise your window.
Drive off.


PROCEDURES FOR OUR FEMALE CUSTOMERS:

Drive up to cash machine.
Reverse back the required amount to align car window with cash machine.
Re-start the stalled engine.
Lower your window.
Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
Turn the radio down.
Attempt to insert card into machine.
Open car door to allow easier access to cash machine due to its excessive
distance from the car.
Insert card.
Re-insert card the right way up.
Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
Enter PIN.
Press "Cancel" and re-enter correct PIN.
Enter amount of cash required.
Check make-up in rear view mirror.
Retrieve cash and receipt.
Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside.
Place receipt in back of check book.
Re-check make-up.
Drive forward 10 feet.
Reverse back to cash machine.
Retrieve card.
Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
Restart stalled engine and pull off.
Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
Release handbrake.

===========

Misfit

hahaha, that's horrible misfit. you're gonna get mauled by all the ats females.


hrmmm, sounds like it might be fun. be sure to include me in on the festivities xD

Why thank you SO much!
Now..since I'm short on TIME, give me all your MONEY, so that I can continue to maintain the balance of good and EVIL in the world.

haha, fair enough, i should at least get a date out of it or something

at the least, dont hit me, i bruise like a banana.

I know I'm going to regret this ,but what the heck!



A Man's Guide To Female English

-- We need to talk = I need to complain

-- Sure... go ahead = I don't want you to

-- I'm not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important

-- We need = I want

-- It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now

-- Do what you want = You'll pay for this later

-- I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!

-- You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot

-- You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

-- I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I've got my period

-- Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs

-- I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....

-- I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white

-- Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!

-- I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep

-- Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive

-- How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really not going to like

-- I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV

-- Is my bum fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful

-- You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me

-- Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead.]

-- Yes = No

-- No = No

-- Maybe = No

-- I'm sorry = You'll be sorry

-- This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house

-- Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it

-- Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.

-- All we're going to buy is a soap dish = It goes without saying that we're stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?




Ok 1 more before I run and hide.

In the beginning, God created the earth and rested. Then God created Man and rested. Then God created Woman.

- Since then, neither God nor Man has rested.

Womens words adn thier meanings:

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm.This means something and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead:This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh:This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' ... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F*cK YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

A date?
Gonna take me shopping at the mall?
Woohoo!

nah, i stay away from the mall around here, i'm more of a dinner and a movie kinda guy i s'pose. the mall = full of hyperactive grade school kids.

True enough..
I'm a pizza, beer, and action movie kinda girl.

w00t, sounds like a winner to me

although i'm not big on drinking, usually having good company changes that hahaha

SWEET! but remember..I'm EVIL..Mwah hahaha * rubs hands together and laughs maniacally*

No such thing as Evil, all dpends on who's perspective you're lookin at, besides, the things deemed 'evil' by social standards are way more fun that 'good' things.

OOOO, I like you. We think alike.

well if you think anywhere close to how i do, the world better watch out now haha

Speaking as a woman....

OP,very true.glad you've finally worked out what us women have known all along

Misfit & silverking,bloody hilarious observational humor always cracks me up;whether its about women or men.

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[edit on 15-8-2008 by MrMysticism]