How to Rap Like Lil' Wayne in 10 Easy Steps

1. Pick a Verb. Preferably a verb about running away from the law or from an assailant. I.E. Duck, Run, Dodge or maybe Stop, Drop or Roll. Lil’ Wayne LOVES stopping, dropping and rolling. Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

2. Connnect the verb to some sort of simile. This is crucial. Every single Lil’ Wayne line must contain some sort of relatively obvious simile. So maybe you can “duck like Scrooge.” “Run like a bloody nose.” Or even “Dodge like Kansas.” You can do metaphors but try to steer away from doing this too often, lest people think that you are a different ghost-writer. That is bad. Also for bonus points talk about how “sweet” you are. Lil’ Wayne loves talking about being sweet like a Tahitian Treat or some other delicacy high in sucrose.

3. Mention “Slanging Keys.” This is crucial to establish street cred. Don’t pay attention to the fact that Lil’ Wayne’s been famous since 12 and the only thing he knows about slangin’ is that he speaks with it. After all, if you don’t talk drugs how else can you impress the translucent Dairy Queen-white music critics. This way they can also compare you to the Wire. (Just remember to connect all that “slanging keys” talk with a simile).

4. Declare that you are Weezy F. Baby. This will tell listeners who you are. Sure, they probably already know, but adding The “F” in the middle of the name uncertainly adds to Wayne’s level of class. It makes him seem like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Exactly like F. Scott Fitzgerald. Whatever you do, don’t attempt to ascertain what the “F” stands for. That my friends is a slippery slope. And whatever you do, don’t think about what the “F” stands for while looking at a picture of Wayne and Baby making out.

5. Talk about hustling. Music critics love hustling. Presumably, they are devotees to the energetic style of basketball popularized by players like Ben Wallace, Kurt Rambis and Mark Madsen. This will make them feel at home. If there’s anything music writers know about, it’s hustling.

6. Talk about Baby. Call him your Daddy. Forget the fact that he’s not actually your Daddy. Forget the fact that the majority of people that call other men “daddy” are prostitutes. It’s unimportant. Mention something that Baby told you. Maybe that he told you “these b*tches is b*tches.” Or that he told you to “Turn around and stick out.” (Maybe, he was just quoting Sir-Mix-A-Lot.) Ignore the fact that you call a man named “Baby,” “Daddy.” Let’s just chalk that up to being a New Orleans thing.

7. Make some sort of obvious pop culture technology reference. Talk about IPods. Or Myspace. Or gigabytes. Something remotely technological. It will show that Wayne is not completely retarded (just partially) and might have actually read a newspaper once or twice. Which clearly means he is a genius.

8. Talk about how poorly you treat women. Perhaps you can claim how you’ll “never love a b****.” Or how you’ll “never give a h** a damn thing.” The more misogynistic the better. This will definitely do much to steer people away from those nasty “gay” rumors.

9. Apropos to nothing, make some sort of remark about Hurricane Katrina. No need to bother making it have anything to do with the rest of the verse. After all, never underestimate white liberal guilt. Any sort of name-dropping will make white liberals feel bad and they will forget the fact that Wayne is a multi-millionaire and anoint him the voice of the people. Also, be sure to make wild ridiculous conspiracy theories like claiming that you heard George Bush blew up the levees. The more absurd the better. Go for it.

10. Proclaim yourself the “Greatest Rapper Alive.” Forget the Fact that Wayne would be lucky to be included in a list of the Top 20 rappers working right now. Most music critics haven’t listened to Hip Hop Made Before 1999 anyway (other than Public Enemy). If you proclaim yourself the greatest, you will be the greatest. Or at least people will be foolish enough to buy your garbage.

Aaaaahahahaha! This is hilarious Mad
First time seeing this too, *sigh* I am so out the loop lol

S&F for this one for makin' me laugh like that

Ok... I actually really love Lil Wayne. But I am a reasonable human being and have to concede that this is all pretty accurate and entertaining. But can I ask how many of his songs you had to listen to to come up with this? I sense a little hypocrisy...

i've seen this before. funny stuff

yeah lil wayne..dude's just a joke. 100% garbage

[edit on 21-6-2008 by LordInfamous]

reply to post by Anonymous ATS

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Anonymous ATS,

I didn't make that up, its all over the internet, i just figured i'd share it here. And yes, there is a little hypocrisy as I do hip hop music myself, but at the same time, I realize the rediculousness of hip hop and can laugh at myself abou tit. Its just funny. Plain and simple. I think a big problem here at ATS is that people cannot look at themselves and just laugh at their situations. When something is funny, its funny. You can't deny that. Whether the joke is on yourself or not.

When Lil Wayne played a show here in London a little while ago the crowd were so disappointed with his performance that they tried robbing him. Quite crazy.

Lol really?

They tried robbing him for some cash? hahaha

That was stupid, that's basically how to be any rapper. "Rapping" is not talent. Anybody can do it. The dances that these rap artists come out with, I don't even know where to start. That isn't dancing. Just something easy. They do not talk right. Come on, I can make a song and not sing to it, just talk real fast and make sure the words rhyme. How hard is that?

Your ignorance is gaping. Please cover it up. And btw, I work in the rap industry for a living and there is nothing easy about it. It is obvious you know nothing of what you speak about pertaining to this subject.

You might wanna go pop in your Tool CD and continue trying to conform with the non conformists. And I like Tool by the way before you slam me for that one. Yeah, I listen to ALL types of music.

[edit on 6/28/2008 by Mad_Hatter]

reply to post by _Phoenix_

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Nah lol they tried robbing him for all the chains and other junk he had on. That must have been one really bad show...

reply to post by Mad_Hatter

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I wouldn't really say that calling rap music easy is ignorance Mad_Hatter, it's just an opinion. You guys get so hung up on this website accusing people of being ignorant, fascists, NWO agents etc. Chill out.

It IS ignorant because he doesn't know anything about it. That is ignorance...the absence of knowing what you are talking about. I didn't call him stupid, as he called the whole genre. I don't think he's stupid, just misinformed.

Nothing in the music industry is easy period. If it was, then every wannabe band you see in a garage somewhere would be rich and famous. The truth is, it takes a certain type of person to make it in this business. It is VERY difficult to succeed in it. I work very hard to do what I do, so forgive me if I take offense to the mindless slander of some 16 year old teen angster telling me that rap music takes no talent.

It just so happens that Lil Wayne is self centered and ego driven and makes the whole genre of rap look bad. The people that insult the genre usually have no knowledge of the history of rap, how it started and usually haven't listened to any rap made before 1999. I bet you he couldn't name one rapper that came out before 1990 without googling it.

[edit on 6/29/2008 by Mad_Hatter]

I like some of his songs, I wouldn't buy any of his cds....


but....


That whole kissing baby thing kinda uhhh well... yeh...


I suppose you could dub his music as "Teenie Bopper" cause it is extremely popular amongst the school kids...


Greatest rapper alive?

har!

reply to post by jca2005

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Im sorry but you do not know what your talking about, Yes RAP sucks i.e. Lil' Wayne, Nelly, (insert really lame commercial 'artist') but REAL hip hop is a art form.
Try listening to Sage Francis, Atmosphere, Illogic and wth even Immortal Technique.......Oh wait youve never heard of any of these artists? Thats because you dont know what real hip hop artitsts are all about. Thats because youve been brainwashed by Mtv and BET. These 'music' channels are corrupting youth into thinking that stuff like Rims, Bling and disrespecting women are cool, when its just dumbing down are youth. Real hip hop makes you think and feel good about yourself in a positive way.

BTW Tool rocks and yes I listen to everything from Beethoven to Tool. I respect music

reply to post by Mad_Hatter

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Oh I've got the beat that's oh so sweet, without me rockin' it's incomplete, so rock this yo', rock that yo', rock on and don't you dare stop. Rock this rock that and that's a fact oh the jam on crew will rock your body right back!

I've got many rhymes my friend.

Cozmo D is my favorite!


[edit on 20-7-2008 by lovepens1]

this is exactly why i hate lil wayne's punk ass. he started calling himself the greatest rapper alive and he will never be that. he fails to realize that he's mediocre at best.

i was on youtube the other day and some fools were saying things like "give him (wayne) 2 or 3 more albums and he'll be on jay's level" wayne will NEVER EVER be on jay's level. ever..

btw....

game, fabolous, & cassidy>>>>>>lil wayne

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