The Goatee And Stuff

So I wake up Monday morning, and have a weekends worth of whiskers on my face. I normally don't shave on the weekends unless I have something to do or somewhere to go. I hadn't shaved since Friday morning, I looked like a cross between Frankenstein & Grizzly Adams. Not a pretty site.
I go to get my trusty razor. I use disposable razors, and break out a brand new one on Monday mornings. Nothing like a fresh razor to start the week off. By Friday, the razor is basically plucking the whiskers rather than shaving them.
Anyway...............
I open the medicine cabinet, and I see last weeks razor.

'HEY! where the heck is my last new one?'

I look, and I look........... Then I see it. Satan (I mean my lovely wife) took it and used it to shave her legs and stuff. Yep, when it gets to the point that it looks like she has Jimi Hendrix in a leg lock she'll trim herself up.
Oh Man! No way that razor is going to be any good.

So I pull out last weeks razor, and start to shave. My neck, my cheeks. Nice little rivulets of blood are dotting my face. If I took a picture, you'd think I had measles. So I think to myself, Man, my chin is going to get ripped apart. Hey! let's try one of those goatee things!
So, Leonardo Davinci had nothing on me as I set to sculpt my goatee. I get the outside done, so I have the basic outline. Now for my lower lip. You know. You have the ring the surrounds your mouth, but you need to have basically a soul patch on the middle of your lower lip down to your chin hair. So I'm sittin' there sculpting out a clean shaven area on both sides of this soul patch, and I cut my lip. DAMMIT! Man, that's bleedin' pretty good and stuff.

"Mommy! Daddies bleeding in the sink!"

"You better not be bleeding on my towels!"

Gee, thanks for the concern........
By now, I'm starting to wonder if I'm a hemophiliac. Blood is dripping down my chin, intertwining with my newly formed beard, and is dripping in the sink.

"You make sure you clean my sink out!"

Yep, good times.

So I finally get the bleeding to stop, and wash up. Hmmmmm......... not bad. Kind of adds a little malice to my persona.

I put on my suit and go downstairs.

"What is that on your face? You look stupid."

"Yep, love you too dear....... Come here Little Dude, give me my kiss."

He comes runnin' over and jumps in my arms to get his super squeezy hug.

"Don't you kiss him with that thing on your face. You'll scratch his face."

"Have a nice day dear. Bye Dude."

"Bye Daddy, I love you."

"Love ya right back Pal!"

"I need to take some money out of the ATM. I need a new outfit."

Hmmmmmmmmmm................ as I'm walking towards my car I hear.

"Mommy, why are you always so grouchy?"

She couldn't see that I was laughing at that one.

So I sit here with a smile on my face as I stroke my goatee.

I am laughing my A## off!!!

I think your wife is spot on. Nothing worse than finding blood on my towels, oh wait, yes there is, my husband using my shaver. He tried once, and only once.


Rush

Right on dude! The goatee is the way to go; I've been sporting one for quite a while and would feel naked without it. Bad deal on the razor, though. Ouch! Been there done that and a word of advice:if you plan to keep the beard then you must not rely on a disposable razor; it's just not done, bad form and all that, ya know. Get yourself a good electric with a beard trimmer or even better, a straight razor; oh wait! I forgot about your wife well, an electric is safer, anyway.

Sits here in horror as grizzly flashbacks of marriage wash over me...thanks for that horror so early in the morning

LOL...Lombozo, the goatee is the way to go!! I loves me some goatee-sportin' men, yes indeedy lol. Sitting here stuffing back down the marriage horror back into the denial section of my brain...ahhhh that's better, oblivion again lol...

Great thread! And the goatee means less shaving...and may I recommend the Mach III or whatever it's up to might be Mach 4 by now, best contribution my last bf made to the cause, I took his and gave HIM the bootski lol. It's a great razor, ya need to get RID of those plastic ones pronto!

reply to post by lightseeker

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See??? If you don't take advice from a girl, take it from lightseeker here...that plastic razor is sooooo pre 9/11 it's time to UPDATE lol.

Ah yes, the Machs, gotta love a man with a good shave. Mmmmm. And these days you can buy one Mach refill cartridge for about one gallon of gas!!!!



Rush

lmao...yea, electric is the way to go, in your position!

lmao! enjoyed this immensely lombozo!

I actually just gave my husband my 'women's' shaver and have been buying the razor refills for him ever since. I ain't mad though, I am glad he can get a better finish with it than with what he usually uses - and believe me he has tried all of em!

Oh Gawd! You make me laugh. I could just see it all now! "Dont you bleed on my towels!!!"

Jimmy Hendrix-

I guess we all have our share of crap we have to put up with!

Thank goodness your little boy keeps you happy. There's always something to be thankful for.

reply to post by Givenmay

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LOL. Well, unless you are suggesting a personal visit, I think I'm relatively safe, since I am blessedly divorced and single. Although, I would never keep a straight razor anywhere that might be discovered by a child or angry girlfriend.