Holidays and Families Pleasure and Pain

I feel compelled to make this thread for those members who may not be able to celebrate this Mother's Day in a traditional sense.

Many of us have lost our Mother due to death or estrangement.

Many of us have lost our Children due to death or estrangement.

A recognized holiday to honor someone or something to which we have no current direct contact with can cause great suffering and sadness for someone who is deprived of this natural yearning, to love and be loved in a nurturing way that is most often found in a Mother/Child bond.

I am acutely aware of this because although my Mother is living and I have 5 children I have been alone on this holiday more than once. The hurt is great.

Due to something greater and more graceful than myself I am blessed today. I am at my Mother's house and will be seeing 3 of my children while the other 2 I have talked to on the phone. This is greater than anything in the world.

I just wanted to take a minute to mention to those of you who cannot, for whatever reason, be with those that they love or should be loved by that this day too will pass, don't let it get you down too much and don't feel too alone.

Honestly if ANYONE feels very sad today and very alone please U2U me or someone you know, or call a friend, go out to eat.........Do something to feel better for yourself.

This may be out of place for me to make this thread.

I am doing it because I have felt the pain of this particular holiday alone and I know several members who have lost thier own Mothers and even some who are estranged from thier children.

Keep the good memories alive and let go of the ugly ones. It is survival, folks. We all know how to not live, Living is the key. Live what you have and peace will come.

I love you ............

Kathy

Text BlueHello Always, I thank you for this thread, I appreciate it on many levels because I have not only lost my Mother, to whom i burn a candle on Mother's Day for, I lost many people at once that were Very significant in my life..

Between June of 1999 and July of 2003 I lost My grandmother first(the Matriarch of our Family), then my middle Sisiter Michelle(who was my twin) then My Mother and then my Father who isn't significant because of the reign of terror he put our family through, but mainly, theses most wonderful people were the best support in our family and they are Greatly missed, but I wanted to thank you for taking the time to write this thread and for honoring the women in your life that are so special to you..

I hope you have and are able to enjoy a long long relationship with them, especially your Mother, and I hope they live a nice long life for you to share with them..
Sincerely...

Thanks alot for the reply. I felt a little silly for making the thread because it's not like I have any special qualifications or such, just the great teacher LIFE!

When we are having a mountain top or peak experience it is easy to forget what it can be like in the valley and holidays are actually hard times for many people. I was just attempting to address that and open my heart for those who might feel lonely and sad because of the holiday.

Memories are a great treasure, are they not? Particularly when we get to the point to pick and choose which ones we hold onto.

I remember one of my lowest point I just cried my eyes out so hard on a Mother's day that it spoke to me.

Again, thanks for sharing some of your experience.

Not to man bash, but there is a definite lack of male presence in my life and those of the females around me. My mother had one of those fathers who created a "reign of terror" in her household and she shared the horror stories. I know there are lots of good men out there but for some reason I have a female based family system.

Maybe some day that will change!

First of all, I would like to say HAPPY MOTHERS DAY to you and all of the other mothers here at ATS.

I lost my mother when I was 18, in 1991 and know what you are saying. There isn't a Christmas, birthday, mothers day or any other day that I don't think about here.

To me there isn't any one more important in life than a mother. They go through 9 months of hell, then pain to bring us into this world, then they nurture us and raise us well past our time to leave the nest. Love us unconditionally.

Someone asked me once who my hero was.....my answer without having to think about it was my mother. It is because of her that I have become the man I am today, someone I know she would be proud of. Without her I would have been lost, dead or in jail.

Moms deserve more than just one day a year. Everyday should be mothers day.

Your Mother would be so proud to hear you say that and to read your kind words. You can tell alot about a Man the way he feels about his Mother.

Loss is a never ending issue. No wonder we need so bad to have an afterlife where we hope for reunification!

Thankfully women by nature are nurturing and try to fill the empty spot left behind. No one will ever replace your Mother but many of us are willing to love you unconditionally and attempt to soften the blows!

Thanks for the heartfelt response.

She raised me well.

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than a woman......except for a mother.

reply to post by QBSneak000

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Yes woman is beautiful as are men. We are so different yet we do complete each other.

Oh my, where is this going???

No, men aren't beautiful.......handsome maybe but not beautiful.

Men are a lot like mirrors, we reflect what we are surrounded by.

I did not see this thread until today, the day after, I do not know if it would have helped but it is good to know that someone cares.

Many here already know the depths of my pain, this I will not bring up again, not now anyway.

I do not believe I will ever spend Mother's day without regret, for not having understood the stillness of the day without those I hold dearest.

Deepest heartfelt love and compassion to any and all that understand.

I am greatful to have this wonderful forum, even cyberspace can be so much kinder and real than the lonely existence of one who will always mourn for the ones that have passed beyond before us.

Oh through tears of empathy and appreciation I applaude your truth.
Wow, a special man you are.

Lets just say that we didn't always get along and i didn't realize until it was too late.

Without going into the details, I learned a valuable lesson that day. Be careful what you wish for because you just may get it. But that is my burden/curse to bear. I am just glad I was smart enough to learn from my mistakes and feel
happy in the knowledge that I will never make that mistake again. Cherish the time you have, because you may never get the chance again.

[edit on 12-5-2008 by QBSneak000]

I did indeed wish my mother a Happy Mothers Day as I wish all mothers here the same.

My advice to one and all, do not put off saying what you mean and what you feel, all of our days are numbered and waiting should not be a option.

My mother has multiple myeloma and recently underwent massive chemotherapy, and a stim cell and bone marrow transplant, she had a bout with mini strokes, massive pain and pneumonia, but it appears she will make it past this round with this cancer, as she will return to work part time in one week.

The problem is, is it's not over, you don't get cured from this cancer, it will return, we have no way of knowing where {in her body} or when {the average is 18 to 24 months} we can only hope that when it does return that her body has recovered enough to fight threw this again.


Do not leave things unsaid, or unsettled for time for us all is short.

Thanks for posting, DF.

I know you have had a challenging year with your Mother and family in general. We learn to not take each other for granted the hard way, don't we?

What doesn't kill us strengthens us, so they say!!!

Hey Interested, I understand and follow you about the female based family structure, my father was only there to terrorize us and I was basically raised by Mom and three older sisters with no brothers, so it was interesting and the values system I got out of it was and is to say the least, Unique.. I hope that any questions that you had in this thread were answered and you got some solace like I did from it.. Thanks again for sharing on such a delicate topic, and have a great weekend..

And thank you for coming on and sharing a bit of your own experience.

It is somewhat challenging to learn to have healthy relationships with men when your history is based so much in the female mode!

It is important that fathers can remain in the family whenever possible but we all know that in some cases it is better when they aren't there~

No offense guys, many of you are wonderful and many of you aren't in the home of your children by circumstances which are no fault of your own.

Hopefully someday we will get the balance worked out!

Edit to add:

This post was made by interestedalways (me) not antar. I am visiting at her house for a summer get together. Problem is that although I was logged into ATS I jumped here to BTS and it seems I am now on her account. I visited another member a few weeks ago and the same thing happened!!! I had better watch that. Sharing a computer can be tricky folks!

[edit on 18-5-2008 by antar]