How To Keep A Girl
This is strictly for entertainment purposes and the actions should only be attempted by professionals...If you guys go out there and actually attempt
anything on this list, I am not responsible for the results...lol
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.
2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. If she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really hard until she cries (this will
impress her by showing her what a strong man you are).
3. Once a month, sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs; they love to be roughed up.
4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping.
If she is, say "you better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.
5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every
girl needs some improvement.
6. Recognize the small things, as they usually mean the most. Then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them, because jewelry is
for wussies and Asian ladies.
7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking.When
she is, stare into her eyes, mouth the words she's mine" and grab the other girl's bum. Girls love competition.
8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she
thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset, tell her you were just kidding and now
you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that, lean over and
whisper very quietly into her ear "…because, I can."
9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.
10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.
11. Warm her up when she's cold…and not by giving her your jacket, because then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "if you
don't stop complaining about the cold right now, you're going to be complaining about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.
12. Take her to a party. When you get there, she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party is
dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you all night.
13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet. Kick the pet. Guys always find stuff like that funny…why shouldn't girls?
14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes, then jump up and scream in her ear. Repeat until she goes home and you
can use your arms for more important things (like baseball).
15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.
16. If you care about her, never ever tell her. This will only give
her self-confidence, then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.
17. Every time your in her house, steal one of her shoes, earrings or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way, she'll
go crazy.
18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order, interrupt and say "no, she's not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy
that speaks for her.
19. Look her in the eyes and smile. Then punch her in the face. Girls love a spontaneous guy.
20. Give her one of your t-shirts, and make sure it has your smell on it (but not a sexy cologne smell…a bad smell. You know what I'm talking
about).
21. When it's raining, keep asking her if she's crying. She'll say
"no, it's just the rain." Ten minutes later, turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying. Girls like a tough man.
22. Boob twisters and plenty of them.
23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her
no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.
24. Remember her birthday, but don't get her anything. Teach her that material objects aren't important. The only thing that's important is that
she keeps you happy, and your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.
25. When she gives you a present on your birthday, Christmas or just whenever, take it and tell her you love it. Then, next time you know she's
coming over on a trash day, leave the trash can open and have the present visibly sticking out of the can. Girls actually don't like this one that
much, but guys think it's funny.
26. If she's mad at you for not calling her when you say you will,
promise her that you will call her at a certain time of the day. This will make sure that she waits by the phone. Tell her when you call that you're
going to tell her a special surprise. Now she'll be really excited, Don't call!
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Just like the one at bebo.
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reply to post by V Kaminski
WOW, I am really glad you pointed that out to me!
...and it's just like the one on my myspace, posted before the dude on Bebo!
I hope you did'nt think that I was claiming to have written it!
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Thanks for posting that Givenmay as I'm not on bebo or myspace! 
After reading that I realise I'm doing it all wrong!! lol
[edit on 6-3-2008 by Kurokage]
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Your Welcome!
I figured some people that have'nt read it need to learn the real tricks!
I think that I have fell for atleast one of them! lol
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 9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames. 
Was watching an interview with a bike racer who'd just won a stage in a prestigious event.
The interviewer asked him about his plans.
The nervous biker said "I'm engaged to...some girl", blanking on the name.
It was hilarious.
I never have that problem. If I forget my wife's name, I always call her something else endearing, like the name of a cute puppy or something.
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Well, I don't remember names well but, I have never gotten stumped on one of my boyfriends names before!
Thats a good idea to just call her something sweet, I bet she loves it when you do that! lol
I would hate to be called Lassie though!
[edit on 6-3-2008 by Givenmay]
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Theres "some chick" (I learn quick!) I like who lives close, so I've just gone and tried some of them on her.
I did 15 (Hard to do with a goatie) followed by 2 with 22 and finished with 11 so I think I'm set up for life!!
I couldn't have done this without your help Givenmay, I am a new man!! lol
[edit on 6-3-2008 by Kurokage]
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Yes, you have it all down and rolling smooth!
You have learned well, my friend!
Don't forget to make her laugh, and play with her hair!
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reply to post by Givenmay
Do you just do the opposite to get rid of the girl?
I've got this ungroovy chick that keeps showing up at my favorite spots but I'm afraid if I do the opposite of your list she'll fall in love
forever and ever and ever and ever.
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Hmm, good question...haha!
I'll have to study on that one for a bit!
I always seem to run from the good guys, and am attracted to the bad guys!
I am really trying to change!
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So, I rocked 1-15. It was going pretty well - then I got kicked in the nards.
What am I doing wrong?
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...that is just a sign to carry out number 10 again!
Don't let her fool you!
...and remember, I am not responsible for the results...lol
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I think I didn't play with the hair hard enough. Yes...thats where I went wrong... 
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reply to post by Givenmay
Is that you in your avatar pic and can I pull your hair!!! lol
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Try it again, and let me know if it works this time!
Go ahead and follow it up with 19! lol
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There's one method which works to either keep a girl or get rid of one.
It's a tried and true method, or so I've heard.
HTH
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reply to post by Kurokage
No, it is not me, I posted a couple here! I'm kinda scary looking!
www.belowtopsecret.com...
My hair is my weakness, I would'nt advise anyone to pull it!
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reply to post by Badge01
lol...I bet she feels like an angel, she certainly looks like one!
I'll have to try that sometimes!
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Who said you were scary lookin!! I'd say very cute indeed.
I need to get me some gaffer tape badge01 lol
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