You Drink too much Coffee When....

*Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.

*You ski uphill.

*You get a speeding ticket even when you're parked.

*You have a bumper sticker that says: "Coffee drinkers are
good in the sack."

*You answer the door before people knock.

*You just completed another sweater and you don't know how to knit.

*You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

*You have to watch videos in fast-forward.

*You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using the timer.

*You lick your coffeepot clean.

*You spend every vacation visiting "Maxwell House."

*You're the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse
and you don't even work there.

*The nurse needs a scientific calculator to take your pulse.

*Your T-shirt says, "Decaffeinated coffee is the devil's coffee."

*You're so jittery that people use your hands to blend their margaritas.

*You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.

*You can jump-start your car without cables.

*All your kids are named "Joe."

*Your only source of nutrition comes from "Sweet & Low."

*You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.

*You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it's not plugged in.

*You've built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.

*When you find a penny, you say, "Find a penny, pick it up. Sixty- three more, I'll have a cup."

*The Taster's Choice couple wants to adopt you.

*Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.


[edit on 24-9-2007 by AccessDenied]

Good ones, AD!

You ought to enjoy the comic strips on this site, in that case.

Go to the "comics" button, and then in the pulldown menu that appears at the top, check out Too Much Coffee Man.

[edit on 24-9-2007 by MajorMalfunction]

Access, you posted some funny stuff lately. I love the Husband 1.0!

[edit on 24-9-2007 by ConstantlyWondering]

HAHAHA very good! I am glad i don't drink that much coffee. It may keep me awake at work and we don't want that to happen now - do we?

I have watched some people in this office gulp down 10 cups a day. waaaa that's just addiction. I sometimes prefer tea - but a cupppa from time to time is fine

I drink one cup of coffe and its enough for me...

You forgot to add on your list this..

You know you have had enough coffe when 25 secs after you drink your first cup you end up in the bathroom... when ever I drink coffee I always make a BIG stink about it...LOL hehe gross,, yeah I know.. but true!

reply to post by zysin5

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OH my frig?!?!

This is soooooo true!

Move over PRUNES or EX-LAX

I don't know what the heck they put in Tim Horton coffee, but I can time that bugger right down to the minute.

Step 1. Plank yer arse on a toilet seat first
Step 2. Drink Timmies
Step 3. Wait for the action to begin!
Step 4. Prepare to mimic actions of Jeff Daniels in 'Dumb n' Dumber's toilet scene

**Note** slight abdominal rumblings will build at first - This is normal.

Always worse for me on an empty stomach. GACK...Feels like an adrenlin surge at first, then give it a bit of time, and

reply to post by zysin5

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Ahem...many people drink coffee just to keep "regular" hehehe.....

reply to post by TheDuckster

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Funny Ducky....I drink Timmys brew at home...made in my coffee maker.
If I buy the stuff at the restaurant..the caffiene content gives me the shakes....Then I gotta top it up with sugar....
Damn hypoglycemia sucks....

Oh man...

I'm really asking for it when I put too much sugar in the java.

I'll be on the floor doing the funky chicken.

Caffeine and sugar will perform a 2-prong attack on my nervous system.

Still love the taste of it though.

reply to post by TheDuckster

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I know....same here...Damn insulin shock....
Sad when just a cup of coffee could kill ya...
I drink mine sparingly..I just love the taste of it...

Wow AD , you're one funny lady , I liked how Z5 was honest enough to reveal he takes a crapper after drinkin' coffee, I've never done that after I drank one , maybe ya over did your cup or the stuff was old . Hehehehe......

For those of us who are clinically hyperactive, coffee is the only thing that keeps us from running completely amok. A pot of coffee and half a donut is more effective than Ambien. I've tried cutting back on coffee but everyone around me moves in slo-mo when I do. Even after a pot of coffee, my resting heart rate is 50, blood pressure is around 100/70. You don't wanna see me when I haven't had coffee. I can't even stand me.

ahh, coffee, the four sacred stages of hyponess:

--1.---2.--3.-----4.


as may may have noticed I'm currently at the third stage

oh and add one more:

when you can successfully compare yourself to me...and your a perfect likeness.

*shudders* two roswells, I'm enough for the world.



Roswell.

[edit on 26-9-2007 by roswell1]