ThreadKillers Anonymous

We're doing 13 of course. Jeeze, I thought that would be obvious. Why would we want to do anything normal? Two bonks on the head for the Press Secretary!

Erm..oh Glorious Leader...I think it prudent to bring to your attention:

The word "bonk" means something quite different to some of us

(though I don't necessarily have a problem with the command itself....)

Right-O. It's 5am here, and I've averaged 3-4 hours of sleep a night lately. Don't mind me if I ramble, or say interesting things. I'm living on Mountain Dew.

Everyone pick up a foam bat and hit our Press Secretary on the head twice gently!

[edit on 9/21/2005 by Zaphod58]

I've never posted in a thread that didn't die.

I would like to suggest tea rather than coffee, and I promise not to steal your throw pillows.

You're in, blanket girl

We have beanbags too. They're tie-dyed, but don't let that bother you...the patterns make the dust bunnies quake with fear...

I think there's a "No Bonking" rule too.

Woohoo! Our very own thread!!!!

I look forward to sharing TKing secrets with my fellow members. I'm pretty excited about the handshake too. Did we get that nailed down yet?

Looking forward to the day I get a title of my very own.

And by the way, it looks really nice in here. Good job, Tinkle!

*opens fridge*

Hey, where's my Coke?!?!?!

Our Mission is a simple one. We are here to protect ATS and BTS and occasionally PTS from those threads that are attempting to grow out of hand and cause trouble to the boards.

Our Press Secretary will announce the criteria for a "dangerous thread" at her next press conference.

While watching for these threads we will sit around in our lovely meeting room, thank you to our Interior Minister, me on my Benevolent Dictators Throne, drinking all the coffee, tea, and Mountain Dew we can stand and eating donuts.

To ensure that we don't lose our ability to kill dangerous threads, we will randomly destroy harmless threads, or threads that appear that they may become dangerous. This will also cause confusion amongst our other members, as to why threads are randomly dying at odd times of the day.

Any member that has more than 10 successful threads, will be placed on probation, and or demoted to a lower status and will have to work their way back up in the Organization. We want to occasionally have SOME successful threads, as this will also cause confustion amongst other members, as to how a TKA member could have a thread that does not die. However, we don't want to be TOO successful, as this would show that we are losing our abilities. A successful thread being a thread that is started by a Member that has more than one page of replies. Existing threads that Members post in that do not die are not counted against you. Again, it causes confusion if you post in a thread and it doesn't immediately die.

Member input is accepted, and changes will be made to our Mission Statement and Charter as input is acccepted, or I feel like it.

We're leaving the handshake up to you Duzey.

Since you were one of the Originals, I'm still working on a good position for you.

Miss Interior Minister, please get Duzey some Coke on your next supply run.

Mission accepted, Oh Glorious Benevolent Dictator.

At least I'm not getting bonked anymore. Cheers for that Tinkle.

Zaph if you said 'interesting' things we wouldn't have this thread in the first place would we. I hope this doesn't get me banned.

Hello new members - I think there should be some sort of requirement for entry into this exclusive club of ours.

For example you should submit at the very least 3 examples of your finest work and then we will judge and let you know.

What do you think oh Great One?

Watch it there! The Benevolent Dictator giveth and the Benevolent Dictator taketh away.

Yeah, I think we definately need an entry requirement. We'll make our initial Council consist of me, our Press Secretary, our Interior Minister, and Duzey.

All new members, submit three entries of your best thread killing, and we'll decide based on that entry as to admittance into TKA, and if you're a good enough killer, as to a position in TKA.

Duzey, welcome to the Council. You are now officially a Council Member.

[edit on 9/21/2005 by Zaphod58]

Step 1: Admitted we were powerless over threadkilling and that our lives are still manageable.

Step 2: We have come to believe that only SimonGray can restore us to sanity.

Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of SimonGray as we understand him.

Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of our posts.

Step 5: Admitted to SimonGray, to ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our threadkilling.

Step 6: We're entirely ready to have a Moderator remove all these posts on a whim of their choosing.

Step 7: Humbly asked them to remove our posts that don't make sense.

Step 8: Made a list of members we have harmed and are willing to make amends to them all.

Step 9: Made direct amends to such people by reviving their threads, except when to do so would injure other members or detract from current threads.

Step 10: Continued to take a personal inventory of threads we've killed and when we are wrong, edit.......

Step 11: Sort through our conscious contact with ATS, as we understand it, praying only for knowledge, that we might deny ignorance.

Step 12: Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of this step. We try to carry this message to those that still suffer the lack of responses to their posts.

Step 13: Make an honest effort to improve our own spelling and syntax for the benefit of all readers of our posts.


I submit these to our Dear Leader for approval..........


Edit: Step 5: Admitted to SimonGray, to ourselves and another entity, the exact nature of our threadkilling.


[edit on 21/9/2005 by anxietydisorder]

I think we'll go with 1, 6, 10, 11, and 13. I'll add the other steps as soon as I get home from outprocessing from my job.

El Presidente...

I have no kills to offer as tribute...yet, but I seek to better myself...

If i could make a suggestion? That TKA offer threads a security service..."pay up a da points or we killa your thread, kapeesh?" or even a 'horses-head' smiley??

That would put the kibosh on my tinklestamen......

That's not a bad idea actually. *lmao* We'll have to remember that when things get slow and there aren't any uppity threads around.

Not to worry...I think there's a lotion for that Just don't spread it around.

(too much)

Your Ministeria Of The Interior,

TwinklyTinkle

Zaphod58,

If you are President, I suppose I should offer you the use of my favorite smiley.

This belongs in your sig:

Is'nt it ironic that this thread (because of the subject matter) even spilled over onto a second page.

NONE OF YOU ARE BEING HONEST TO THE CODE![/B]

The real irony is it started on a thread ranting about how nobody answers fritz's posts.

After three pages, fritz was demoted to club mascot.